After Forever
by The Romance Chick
Summary: RobRae. After the episode Forever is a Long Time. After Starfire returns to the past those she leaves behind must live on.
1. Chapter 1

Yo. I don't own these characters. :sigh: They be long to DC and other folk w/ money and power, or some junk like that.

Enjoy!

After Forever

Chapter 1

They all stood silently as the time portal shrank and Starfire left them for the second time; this time, forever. Of course, they had thought the last time was forever, but back then they had also said they'd be friends forever. They were too young to understand how long forever really was.

The first time Starfire disappeared through time, it had been the most horrifying thing they had ever experienced; that was the beginning of the end for the adolescent super heroes known as the Teen Titans. They began to fight among each other, ties were cut, and bridges were burned. They still kept in contact, though. But then the quakes came, and as a result of that came the sickness. Of the people of Jump City who survived, remained some of the most terrible and vile filth to have ever walked the Earth. Each of the Titans had to deal with personal tragedies as well the greater one at hand. As the years passed, all that remained of the former heroes and the city they loved was an empty shell and an echo.

With the parting of Starfire, so too Raven's sanity began to go. It happened slowly and subtly, but eventually the being that had once been Raven was not. For a little while it seemed as if she had reached a point of no return. Upon Starfire's return though, a fire inside her was rekindled. She resisted it at first, but her friend's call for help overwhelmed her own powerful will and she had the strongest urge to be reunited with her team mates. Before she knew what was happening, she was beside her comrades in arms fighting the time traveling criminal, Warp. Then, in a flash, it was all gone. Starfire had gone back into the time portal, taking the remnance of a past friendship with her. Raven was once again cold, afraid, and alone...

**(RRRR)**

She turned around quickly. "Who are you?" she asked the three men standing around her. Though she made an effort to sound menacing, the terror in her eyes gave away her true feelings.

"Rae?" offered Cyborg, sounding very confused himself. He reached his arm out and took a step closer.

"Stay away from me!" she shouted, enraged. She was glowing her typical dark aurora.

"Raven, are you okay?" asked Nightwing, also moving a step closer.

"I told you to stay away!" She blasted a weak energy strike at him. He easily dodged it. "I don't know who you are or what you want."

"Raven," began Changeling, "Don't you recognize us? We're your friends. It's us; Beast Boy, Cyborg and... Robin."

She wobbled, a wave of dizziness hitting her. "Friends..." she repeated. "...No such thing..." With that, her world reentered true darkness, the kind that lived in her mind, and she fainted.

**(RRRR)**

They all gasped as her body went limp and began to fall. Just before she hit the hard concrete, Nightwing rushed forward and caught her.

"Whew! That was close man," sighed Changeling.

"Her pulse is low," said Nightwing as he checked her neck. "She's too cold. She needs medical attention."

"I think I know just the place for her," answered Cyborg.

**(RRRR)**

The three men made their way to what was once Teen Titan HQ, Titan Tower, and what was still Cyborg's residence. In it's decaying state, the winter twilight made it look skeletal and somewhat frightening. However, inside there lay the technology that could hopefully cure their friend.

They lay her down in her old bed in her old room. It was one of the only rooms in the tower that had remained unchanged over the years. Thanks to the tower's self cleaning system (which, oddly enough, was one of the only systems that still worked) hardly any dust had settled on Raven's possessions. Unlike Robin and Changeling's rooms (which were now being used for storage), Cyborg had left her room untouched. This was mostly because he was afraid of what he might find inside. Starfire's room had also remained the same, but that was for a completely different reason.

"How is she?" asked Changeling.

"All her vitals are normal," said Cyborg, reading the indications on the machines surrounding her. "I'm going to keep these monitors on, though. She probably just needs rest."

"What do you think happened to her?" asked Nightwing.

"Don't know. Could just be that she hadn't used her powers in so long. It might have worn her out."

"I hope you're right, man," said Changeling.

The three stood in silence for a few moments, each staring at the woman who lay unconscious before them. The only sounds present were her deep breathing and the mechanical beeping and whirring of the I.V. monitors. Finally Cyborg broke the silence.

"I'm gunna' make some coffee," he said, "Who want's some?"

"Definitely me," answered Changeling. "I really need some caffeine right now. My head is in no way straight."

The two began to walk out of the room. Cyborg stuck his head back in when he noticed the last of them didn't follow him out.

"You commin'?" he asked Nightwing.

Nightwing pulled a chair up to the side of the bed. "No," he said. "I'm going to stay here for a little while."

"Alright. We'll be down stairs."

Just before he closed the door behind him, Cyborg took one last look at the woman in the bed. He noticed that Nightwing reach out and take on of her hands into his own.

A sense of unease went through him as he shut the door.

**(RRRR)**

"Hello?" Raven called out to the endless darkness. "Is anyone there?"

A cod wind bit through her cloak. She did her best to pull the fabric tighter around her body.

_Raae-ven_, called a sing-song voice from the darkness.

"Yes! Who's there?" she asked anxiously.

_Noo one..._

"I'm alone?"

"No Please, come back! I don't want to be alone anymore..."

Raven sat herself on the ground, huddled her body into the shape of a ball.

"I don't want to be alone anymore," she whispered, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

There was still no answer that came from the void.

Just as she began to cry, she heard the voice again.

_Are you sure_ _you're ready to rejoin that world?_

"Yes!" she shouted in a choking voice. "Please! I want to be with them."

_With who?_

"..."

_Don't you remember?_

"... Sometimes I do."

_Before you can go back you need to remember._

"No! I don't want to... There's a reason I made myself forget; all that sadness and

so much... so many other... _emotions_."

_But you must. Either you remember and return or forget and stay forgotten inside this nothing._

Raven seriously weighed both options. After a moment she took a deep breath.

"Alright!" she called out. "I want to go back. I want to remember."

"Well?"

_This is your prison. You created it. You know how to escape it. _

"But it was so long ago. I don't remember how..."

_Yes you do. Maybe you just don't want to..._

"No! I want to remember! I want to remember."

Raven closed her eyes and began to concentrate. She began to utter two chants simultaneously. The first was the one that had always served her true. She said this out loud; "Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos." The second want through her head; "Remember. Remember. Remember."

Her life flashed before her eyes, though it felt less like death and more like birth. Images and memories came flooding back to her. Starfire slipping through Warp's portal, Beast Boy's wild temper in an argument, Cyborg trying desperately to preserve the group of friends, and finally the quiet, brooding member of the group, that is, the one besides herself.

"Robin," she whispered.

She felt a great wind rushing around her as those memories then fled back into the recesses of her mind, like retreating wave. Then, a new light passed before her eyes.

Raven was awake.

**(RRRR)**

"Robin," he heard her whisper.

Nightwing had begun to drift off into sleep but physically jolted to attention at the sound of her voice calling out his former title.

"Raven?" he asked, again clasping her hand. "Raven, can you hear me?"

Suddenly her lavender eyes opened.

**(RRRR)**

_I know this place_, she thought as she sat up. The dark room was oddly familiar. Though her memories had returned, only the skeletal work of the past's events were present in her mind. Details such as exact words and locations were still fuzzy, details like this room.

"Raven?" she heard someone call. Someone was holding her hand. She turned to see who it was. When she didn't recognize the face she snatched her hand away and leapt to the other side of the bed.

"Who are you! Get away!" She raised her hands to defend herself. She winced in pain, though. Looking at her arm she saw the tubes and wires. "What is this?"

"It's an I.V. Raven, and some sensor pads. Calm down," said Nightwing, climbing onto the bed to try and calm her. He reached out and took her wrists.

"Don't touch me!" she shouted. "Who are you! Where am I!"

"Raven, look at me!"

"Who are you?" She had grown hysterical.

Nightwing pulled her toward him and tore off his mask. He grabbed her face so that she would be sure to look at him. "Raven, look at me!" he said a bit fiercely. "Look at me! It's Robin! Remember my face."

She had calmed down and looked at him, trying desperately to remember.

"I don't know you..."

"Yes you do! I'm Robin! Try harder!"

"I don't know..."

"Please Raven." He sounded as though he might have been crying. "Please try harder. Please..."

A gasp escaped her mouth as it hit her.

"Dick."

His eyes grew wide. "Yes!" He became overjoyed. "Yes, Raven!" The tears were freely streaming down his face now. She cupped his face and wiped away the tears. It did not lessen them though; instead it brought more to his eyes. In a very maternal way, Raven took his head and laid it on her shoulder. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her. She rocked him and stroked his hair. He convulsed against her as choking sobs shook him. Once his tears had died down, he pulled away and spoke.

"What happened to you? Where have you been? You just stopped... I thought..."

"Shh... I'll tell you everything. Right now I need some sleep."

He mutely nodded as she wiped away his last few tears. Slowly, he got up. Putting his mask on, he walked out of the room, leaving her to rest.

As soon as he left, Raven laid her head upon the pillow and fell into a deep slumber filled with (for the first time in years) pleasant dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so glad you guys are liking this! Enjoy this next chapter!

Chapter 2

Once Nightwing had gained his composure, he walked down to where the main living area used to be. Most of it was covered with clutter. The only light and open space was the kitchen. Sitting at the counter drinking from steaming mugs were his friends.

_My friends?_ he wondered.

They didn't notice his presence until he was about two yards away from them. Changling jumped.

"Jeez, Man! You've gotten better at that sneaking up on people thing, haven't you?"

Nightwing didn't respond but did pull a stool to the counter. Cyborg poured him some coffee. "How is she?" he asked.

"Fine," responded Nightwing. "Still sleeping."

They sat sipping coffee for a minute in a n awkward silence until Changling could stand it no longer.

"So," he began, "What have you guys been doing for the past nine years?"

"..."

"Okay, I'll start. I joined up with this traveling circus. I'm 'The One-Man Zoo.' We've been traveling along the coast, then cutting in through Mexico to the gulf and back.. This is actually my first time in Jump City in three years."

There was another brief span of silence before Cyborg spoke up.

"Well, for the past seven years I've been trying to keep this place from falling apart, and trying to figure out new ways to repair myself. I've invented a few nifty gadgets in the process. You might like to take a look at a few of them-- **Nightwing**."

Nightwing roughly pushed the stool away from the counter, making a loud scratching noise across the floor.

"I didn't come here to start anything," he said between clenched teeth. "I came for one reason, and right now that reason is passed out cold." He began to walk away. "Let me know when she wakes up. I'll be on the roof." With that, he left the commons room.

"Boy, it sure is good to be home," said Changling sarcastically once Nightwing had left. "I'd forgotten all the warmth."

"You're one to talk," retorted Cyborg, bitterly.

"You're right," said Changling. "But don't tell me you didn't feel something this afternoon when we were all together again, fighting side by side."

"I did feel _something_."

"That's because what this team had was special. The Teen Titans were more than just friends man, we were family. I miss that, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I wanna' fix stuff Cyborg. I want things to be like they were. Let's you and me start. Raven and Nightwing will come around."

Cyborg smiled faintly at him. "You know things can never be the same. For starters, you know I don't go by the name of Cyborg any more."

"And you know I don't go by Beast Boy. Forget all that. Let's just reintroduce ourselves." He stuck his hand out. "Hi. I'm Garf."

Cyborg reache out and shook his hand. "I'm Vic," he said.

"Nice to meet you Vic."

**(RRRR)**

Raven drowsily came to consciousness and crawled out of bed. For the first time in years she looked around her bed room. She felt as if everything was just as she'd left it. Perhaps it was.

She took a brief walk around the room, grazing her finger tips over shelves, boxes, books and bottles. She stopped at the photo she had of all of them at their favorite pizza joint in thecity. It was taken 21 years ago. A year before Starfire had disappeared. The shot perfectly captured all of their different personalities. Starfire was seated on the table with her arms around Robin who was sitting in a chair in front of her. Cyborg stood to their right side. Beast Boy stood on the table on the left side of Strafire, leaning over, balancing with his hand on Raven's head and Robin's shoulder. Then there was Raven, seated on the arm rest on the left side of Robin's chair.

They each seemed to have a characteristically specific expression on their faces. Cyborg had a very goofy looking face that looked as though he had decided to make it at the last second. Starfire had a smile that suggested she had just been giggling. Beast Boy looked as though he was planning the most diabolical prank the world had ever seen, with his eyebrows arched and his teeth bared. Raven, unlike usual, had a slight smile on her lips. It was barely noticeable but it made her seem as though she had a secret or was very pleased with something; perhaps she knew what Beast Boy was plotting and had already put a stop to it. Robin, in the center, had his usual cool and confidant smile. It truly fit his slouching position.The same subtle smile from the picture came to Raven's face once again as she gazed at it. She took it in her hands and touched each of the faces. The metal frame felt cool against her skin. She was a little shocked by the sensation.

"Hnn. I can feel," she said to herself. The full weight of this statement hit her years earlier; that she was now able to express and control her emotions at the same time. She could now allow herself to share in the happiness, sadness, fear, and anger of others without worrying that a window might explode. The great irony though was that she had mastered her powers only after all of her friends had permanently parted ways. At that point, she felt there was nothing worth feeling. This is what led her to her years of comatose that had lasted until only a few hours ago.

Raven looked from the photo to her door and back to the photo again. She wasn't sure what would happen once she stepped out that door. She looked at the faces of Cyborg, Beast Boy and Robin in the photo, each silently encouraging her. "Well," she sighed to herself, "I had to face them sometime."

With that, she placed the framed photo back on the shelf and left her room to seek (who she hoped to still be) her friends.

She entered what used to be the living area. It was mostly dark, except for the light that shone over the kitchen. There sat the ones who used to be the teenaged super heroes known as Beast Boy and Cyborg. Cyborg had been going by his real name, Victor for a long time now. Beast Boy was hardly a boy any more. He went by the title Changling or his real name, Garfield,or Garf for short.

They knew of her presence the moment she came through the door and got up to greet her. "Raven," she heard Garf call softly as he stood.

"It's okay guys. Stay where you are," she told them then wordlessly floated to them. They were all speechless for a moment."You want something to drink?" Vic finally asked her.

"Herbal tea, if you have any."

"Of course."

**(RRRR)**

"So that's what I've been doing for the past 15 years. Well, at least, thats what I can remember."

She took a sip of her tea after finishing her story.

"Wow. That explains a lot," said Garf.

"Yeah. And that stuff from before the quakes is wild. You really have your powers under control?" asked Vic in disbelief."Yup," she responded proudly.

"You can express all emotions?" asked Garf.

"Yes, most emotions. Anger is still hard to control and express at the same time. I still have to suppress it. Otherwise, I'm fine.

"Wow."

Suddenly Vic remembered. "I almost forgot to tell you," he said. "Dick is here. He told me to let him know when you woke up."

He moved to go to the intercom, but Raven stopped him. "Where is he?" she asked, though she already knew.

"On the roof."

"Don't tell him. I'll do it myself." When the words had left her mouth she vanished in a swirling black mass.

A split second later, the same mass appeared on the roof top. She emerged from it and landed softly on her feet. At the other end of the roof she saw a dark figure with long hair that was being blown about in the wind. It was Nightwing. He was crouched on the edge of the tower, gazing out over the bay at Jump City as the sun set behind them. He didn't turn to face her as she approached his side.

At first, she wasn't able to talk to him. She simply stood beside him, staring at the city as the sun shone its rich, red glow onto the buildings and window panes, making the city look like a bleeding, infected wound.

"Hi Dick," she finally said. She waited a moment, but he didn't respond. "How have things been?" she asked. Still, nothing came from him. When she realized he wasn't going to say anything until he was ready, she sat down on the ledge. She gazed at his profile, waiting for his lips to move and for words to come out.

"How are you?" he asked without facing her.

It was then she realized how cold it had gotten. She raised her body temperature with her magic. "I'm fine now," she answered, not being able to find any other words to say.

"And you remember who we are?"

"Yes."

There was an awkward silence between the two of them. She could tell he was thinking about her amnesia from earlier and his own momentary break down.

"Raven," he began as the wind died down. "I was so scared when you didn't recognize me. I was so afraid that we'd really lost you forever." He let out a shuddering breath before continuing.

"There was so much about you, about the Titans-- that I-- had shoved to the back of my mind so that I wouldn't ever have to deal with any of it. Then… then having us all together again, then seeing Starfire again, then seeing you like that…" He was now facing her, looking her dead in the eye. "I just couldn't deal with it. I'm still not ready to."

"Deal with it?" She was astounded. "What do you mean, 'deal with it'?"

"I just don't think I'm the best person for you to be around right now."

"So, what; is this an inconvenient time for us to be friends?"

"You know that's not what I mean." He raised his voice in response.

"I don't know what you mean. I won't know if you don't let me talk to you." This time,his response was silence. "Fine. You don't want to talk. That's just fine, but I have a few things I need to tell you. I--"

"Please Raven!" he interrupted her. "I really can't." She could hear the choking sound coming back into his voice. He stumbled off the ledge and onto the roof and backed away from her. She followed him.

"Dick, you can't--"

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do."

For a few moments they stood tense, regarding each other. Raven recognized that he had fallen into a fighting position and without thinking, so had she. They both realized and at the same time, quickly relaxed their bodies.

"Just give me a few days," he said finally.

She turned this over in her mind and after a few seconds said, "Three days," in agreement.

Now that the agreement hat been made he walked past her toward the elevator. "Not here," he said before entering the lift. "Meet me at my place in the city. You'll know where it is."

She didn't respond, as if to say she wouldn't speak to him until they met again. He caught her drift and entered the elevator, pressing the 'door close' button, leaving Raven on the roof as the wind picked up again.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Raven passed the next few days at Titans Tower. Garield and Victor spent the time getting the tower in livable condition. This mostly meant cleaning out Garf's old room. This also meant cleaning out and revamping all the old training facilities. Both Vic and Garf agreed that they'd been out of the crime fighting line of duty for too long and that they both needed to get back into shape, Garf more so. Raven spent the time learning what had happened in the world during her years of "seclusion". It turned out that quite a bit had happened.

After the sickness, Jump City had remained lawless and isolated from the rest of the nation. The state of the city was determined to be nearly as awful as "No Man's Land" in Gotham City, across the country. Perhaps the two cities were equally chaotic, but in different ways. In getting Gotham's feet off the ground, all emergency government aid had been drained. Recently, some of Jump City had managed to rebuild; the area of the city right on the bay looked an operated almost as it did before. Out of the mile radius of the rebuilt city there was still a six mile stretch of rubble and lawless land. "The Wastelands," as the area was called, was Nightwing worked the hardest to protect, not that his job was any easier in the rebuilt part of town. The overcrowding and lack of resources (such as jobs and electricity) bred a lot of violence.

Raven learned most of this through what Vic and Garf told her. The rest she inferred from her own findings.

She was sorting through some of her old possession when she heard a knock at her door.

"Hey Rae. It's me," she heard Vic's voice call through the door.

"Come in," she called back.

The door slid open and in popped Victor's head.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Whatcha' doing?"

"I'm trying to remember all this stuff."

"By making a mess?"

Raven looked around her room. All her possessions were strewn everywhere. Books were in piles on the floor instead of on shelves. Drawers had been taken out of her desk and dressers and emptied onto the floor.

"It does look that way, but no. By studying each thing I own." She was carefully examining all the objects in her room to try and remember all of her experiences as a Teen Titan. All of her memories of that time were quite literally locked away in her mind. Certain items managed to unlock bits and pieces and sometimes whole chunks off her memory. Some were good and some were very bad. Whenever something triggered a memory she would either tape it to the wall above her bed or place it on her night stand. So far, not so many things had been collected in either spot.

"How's it coming?" he asked.

"Alright, I guess."

"Is there any way I can help?"

"Not really." She noticed he grew a little sad by this. "Thanks though. You've helped a lot already" She gave him an appreciative smile. His own smile returned.

"It's nice to see you smile. It's a shame you couldn't do it more before."

There was an awkward silence when he brought this up.

"So," he started again, trying to end the awkwardness, "Is there a reason you're doing this _now_?"

"I couldn't sleep." She suddenly remembered what day it was and looked at her clock. It was already 4:30 A.M. "I need to go," she said, floating up and levitating her clock toward herself.

Vic was confused, to say the least. "Where are you going at this hour?"

"I have to go find Rob… Nightwing."

His face grew worried. Before he could say anything in protest, she was out the window and on her way to Jump City.

**(RRRR)**

Sorry there wasn't toomuch going on in this chapter. Just needed it to work some stuff out.

I'm glad folks are liking this story. Robin and Raven have always been two of my favorite characters and I like the idea of them being together. Especially in the universe set up by the cartoon. Especially when Starfire isn't a distraction.Time travel has always been something that I feel rarely works well in stories/movies because it operates on the basis that there is a future waiting for you to go to, i.e. fate exists. I don't particularly believe in fate. That's why when I saw "Forever is a Long Time," I saw it as a good place to pull what I'll call a "Mari Trunks."

It's also good to know a few people like the way I've aged/matured the characters. While Robin _is_ awesome, but Nightwing is the shit. Plain and simple. He's also more the type I see Raven with. While the Teen Titans have their place in crime fighting, I think the people they grow up to be are a few of the most facinating characters DC has to offer. (SideNote:espcially Robin and Speedy/ Nightwing and Arsenal. :sigh:Those crazy kids. :shakes head:)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Where are you? " she asked herself out loud.

Nightwing had told her that she'd know where to find him, but Raven was starting to doubt that. She'd been hovering over the city for the past twenty minutes. Before that, she'd been flying over the city looking for him.

_Maybe I just need to try a little harder_, she thought, remembering what he'd begged of her when she had amnesia. _Come on. If I were Nightwing, where would I be?_

_The highest point in the city; that way I could over see everything._

She spotted the highest point in the city but reasoned he wouldn't be there since it was an office building. The second highest place was another office building Then she saw it.

By no means the tallest building in the city, the clock tower stood high above the residential buildings surrounding it. It had somehow remained standing on the edge of the newly constructed part of Jump City, right where the Wastelands began. Though it looked ready to be condemned, the clock itself still actually worked. Something told Raven that beneath the crumbling exterior there was a strong steel framework and a lair fully loaded with the most recent and top of the line technology. Probably a few bats, too.

She didn't need to think twice about it. In a flash, the black form of a raven engulfed her and she was transported to inside the clock tower.

She was right. As she emerged from the darkness of the portal she saw that she was standing in the center of a cavernous room. On one side was a giant computer. Other devices lay around the room. Right behind her in a cylindrical glass case, was Robin's costume. Stepping forward, she touched the glass and stared into the white eyes of the mask.

The other side of the room was the face of the clock. It created a 20 foot tall frosted window. With a mighty thud and several smaller clicks, the clock's hands struck 4:51. Raven walked to the clock face, looking up and around at the mechanisms that made the time piece move.

Suddenly, she felt a presence behind her. She spun around only to find Nightwing staring at her passively. She didn't know exactly what to do. For a few moments they stood, regarding each other in silence. Then, Raven jumped on top of him and hugged him tightly. His arms came around her in a warm embrace.

"I missed you so much, Dick," she said to him, not letting go.

Even though she didn't show it in her voice, he could tell she was crying.

"I don't know if I can take you crying," he joked, " I've been doing so much of that myself, lately."

She took a deep breath. "No. You don't cry," she whispered.

**(RRRR)**

Wordlessly, he stroked her hair. He didn't want to begin reminding her of things she couldn't remember on her own, not just yet. Her embrace loosened a bit. She looked up at him with a pleading stare. He'd seen this look many times before on the faces of the victims and almost victims of the crime ridden streets of the city, but never in her eyes. Those other people had visible assailants for whom to punch and kick. Her plight was unseen. Like so many other things, what was hurting her was doing it from the inside out. He wiped her tears away with his thumbs and cupped her face in his gloved hands. At this, the corners of her mouth turned up slightly but her eyes didn't brighten. She took another big breath.

"I understand a lot has happened," she said.

He smiled. "So, you've come for information."

"For the most part."

_And for the least part?_ he might haveasked,were the mood not so somber.

**(RRRR)**

Her sadness had melted away for the time being. She took his hands from her face and held them in her own. She began to really examine him for the first time.

It didn't seem like he'd grown much taller since she last saw him; he was still a little more than a headof her own height, but it did seem he was bigger in some way. She realized it was because his body was slightly more massive. He was no longer thin, but still lean. He had acquired a good deal of solid muscle and it had made his torso a bit more square and angular. He had also grown calmer; mature might be another way to put it. As she held his hands she couldn't sense the tightly strung energy that used to be there. They simply lay still, molding to her hands ever so slightly, gently so she hardly even noticed. His other distinguishing feature was his hair. _How lovely,_ she thought to herself.

"What is it?" he finally asked her after she had been staring at him for a minute.

"Your hair is longer," she stated.

"So's yours."

"Yes, but not like this." She ran her fingers through some strands and pushed it behind his ear. She remembered from the photo how his dark hair had the ability to point in all sorts of odd directions without the help of hair gel. Now, though, it had apparently been tamed by the added weight and hung passively a little past his shoulders.

"You look tired," he said, stroking her hair again.

"I am."

"Come on. I'll take you home."

"But there are so many things I need to talk to you about…"

"We will talk; once you've rested."

She knew he'd made up his mind and was not going to back down if she pressed the matter further, so she didn't contest him. It was obvious that he needed time and was stalling, even if it was for a few hours while she slept.

"Come with me," he said, motioning for her to follow him up some stairs. Theyhigher into the clock tower, above its gears. At the top of the stairs was a small door that opened to the slanted edge of the pointed roof of the tower. Nightwing hopped up through it and disappeared from sight. Raven floated through the hole that was barely a door and stood by his side on the ledge. From here she had a reverse view to the one from the tower of the city. She could see a good deal of No Man's Land. In the distance she could see Titan tower across the bay.

After she'd been gazing at the city for a little while, she felt the clock strike six. The early morning rush would be starting soon. Just then, Nightwing wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, urgently.

"Yes," she replied without a second thought.

"Then promise you won't fly."

"What?"

"Promise you won't fly away for the next few seconds."

"I promise, but..."

Before the words had entirely left her mouth, he flung them both off the ledge of the clock tower. With a gasp of surprise and complete terror, Raven threw her arms around him and held on as tightly as she possibly could as they plummeted down. He laughed joyfully at her fear, launching a grappling hook at the last possible moment. They swung gracefully through the air in an arc, fifteen stories above the ground, and then landed on a roof top.

Even once her feet were firmly planted on the roof, she didn't loosen her vice-like grip on him. She was still trembling from the shock of the free fall. Only once she heard his line zip back, the hook snapping back with a shikt did she open her eyes and let out the breath she'd been holding. Looking up at him, she saw the slightest of smiles on his face. He cocked his head to the side, waiting for her to say something.

With all the force she possessed, minus her powers, she shoved him back.

"Why the hell did you do that?" she yelled at him.

He stumbled back a few paces, not expecting her push. The smile on his face grew into a grin.

"For a few reasons," he responded, "But mostly to see the look on your face."

Raven crossed her arms and began to glow in subdued anger. Completely ignoring her livid state, Nightwing walked over to the edge of the roof. Just as he was about to shoot his grappling hook to the next building he glance over his shoulder at her.

"You coming?"

She weighed her options heavily. She was quickly getting annoyed with him after his little stunt that scared her half to death, but she still needed answers from him that Vic and Garf weren't giving her. She knew that if she didn't go with him now, she'd never get the answers. After a moment of thought, with her arms still crossed and her gaze turned away from him, she levitated herself beside him. Before she had a chance to ask him where they were going, he swung through the air to the next building. Raven sped through the air to catch up.

He was somewhat difficult to follow since he wasn't flying. If he were flying he could take a straight and linear path to where he was headed. Instead, he was continually changing his pace, level and direction. As he went he did complicated aerial acrobatics that were highly unnecessary. She couldn't tell if he was doing it to show off or for his own enjoyment, but she figured it to be a little of both.

After about seven minutes he stopped on the roof of a building that was about ten stories high. He walked to the doorway in the center of the roof that looked like it would lead to stairs that went into the building.

"Where are we?" she asked, walking over to him.

"Where I said we'd go. Home."

"I thought you meant the tower." The door then opened in front of her. They walked through it, escaping the cold.

"Titans Tower isn't my home anymore," he replied darkly as he shut the door behind them and began to descend down the stairs.

They came to the top floor of the building and Raven realized it was an apartment building.

"Doesn't anyone question your coming and going?" she asked, peering down the hall.

"No. This top floor is bared up."

She took a second look around the hall and saw that giant cobs webs stretched across its width and that dust covered every inch of everything except for a single trail of foot prints they had just made.

He punched a code into another security pad and a metal door slid open in a spot in the middle of the hall. The space beyond the threshold was dark. Nightwing disappeared through it and Raven followed him. As she felt the door slide shut behind her, she instinctively took a step forward. Because of the darkness, she wasn't able to see that Nightwing hadn't really moved very far ahead of her. She softly collided with his body.

"Oh, sorry," she said, a little surprised. What surprised her more though was that he didn't back away. She would have backed up, except that behind her was the shut door. She found herself caught between its cold, hard, steel surface and the warm, hard surface of his body. Looking up, she saw the white triangles of his mask. They had night vison capability and glowed an unearthly light because of it. Shefully understood now the terror he must strike into the hearts of criminals.

_He wouldn't be so frightening if I could see his eyes_, she thought.

As if on queue, the lights turned on. His hand was on the light switch by her shoulder.

"Come on Raven," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder and leading her further down the corridor.

They came out the end: an open space filled (for the most part) with gym equipment. There was also a small medical looking space against the far wall. One wall had a few boarded up windows. Against the wall opposite these windows was a workstation with several computers, some lab equipment. The wall was covered in newspaper and magazine clippings; some had large "X"s over them and others had a system of push pins and string connecting them. They all had a section or two that had been underlined or highlighted in yellow.

"You've made quite a home here," she commented.

"Yeah, I guess I sort of have."

She followed him across the room, through a door and down a set of stairs. "How long have you been here?"

"About nine years, now."

"Nine years. Is that when I…?"

"Yeah."

They reached the bottom of the stairs to find another door. It led to another dark space. He flicked another light to reveal that they were inside of a clothes closet. Before heading through the next door before them, he grabbed a bundle of clothes.

Through the closet door was a small bedroom that was bare except for a few pieces of furniture and thick curtains. No photos or pictures were on the walls nor were there any books or magazines that could be seen. The room didn't actually look as though anyone had been living in it.

"Excuse the mess," he said as he placed the clothes on his bed. Raven couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"You can change into those if you like," he continued, pointing to the clothes he'd put on the bed. "I'll probably be in the living room when you wake up. I may have to pop out at some point to buy some groceries, though. I'm just going to take a quick shower first."

As he spoke, he began getting undressed. First came his mask, then his gloves and finally, the top piece of his suit. As he began to pull down his pants, he went into the attached bathroom and shut the door behind him.

_He's still a total show off_, she thought, recalling not only his little strip tease, but also his acrobatics through the city.

She went over to the bed and examined what he'd laid out for her. What she found was a long sleeved, gray crew neck shirt and matching drawstring sweat pants, both of which were far too large for her. She put them on, though, figuring it'd be more comfortable to sleep in than her costume.

She unclasped her cape and let it fall to the floor, not bothering to fold it or pick it up. Carefully though, she handled the clasp, which had her Titans' communicator attached to it. She placed it on the dusty night stand then took off her belt and leotard. The pants and shirt then came on.

_Definitely too big,_ she thought, looking at how the sleeves hung well beyond her hands. After dressing she crawled in between the messy sheets. A sigh of content fell from her lungs as she pulled the blanket tightly around herself. She was also wrapped in his wonderful scent; the sheets and pillow were covered in it, but mostly it was the shirt which (she decided) was the softest, most comfortable item of clothing she had ever worn. His smell was warm and comforting. It made her remember a feeling of safety, though the actual moment that feeling came from was a complete mystery. Surrounded by the scent, she fell into a deep slumber.

She woke later, thinking only ten minutes had passed, but a look at the alarm clock showed that it was nearly three in the afternoon.

_Wow_, she said to herself,_ I guess I really was tired_.

Looking out the window, she never would have guessed that it was midday. While she'd slept, a snow storm had moved in over the city. The sky was dark and a whirlwind of snow filled the streets.

With a yawn, Raven decided that she felt rather hungry. Going through the door that was neither the bathroom nor the closet, she entered the main living space, expecting to find Nightwing but instead found the place to be empty. Assuming he had gone out as he said he would, she wandered into the kitchen in search of food. On the counter she found a note. It read:

_Raven,_

_Went to get some groceries before the storm got too bad._

_Be back soon._

_- Dick_

_Tea_ the box read, and she smiled at this small consideration.

_Still a show off and still a gentleman_, she thought as she went about making tea. Once it was done and she had poured herself a mug, she sat down on the couch and began watching t.v.. She turned to a news channel and began to learn what had been happening in the world.

Though Garf and Vic (as she was now used to addressing them) updated her as best they could, there were many things they left out and many things she didn't believe, one of which was Lex Luthor's presidential campaign. As she understood it, Luthor was an immoral, greedy,powerful man who was Superman's arch enemy. The Teen Titans had had some scuffles with him but nothing major. Strangely enough, these were some of the memories that had returned to her in the past few days. Garf explained that Luthor had helped in the reconstruction of Gotham and was now helping in the reconstruction of Jump City. He was using all his philanthropic publicity to wind the presidential race.Besides the fact thata man as depraived as he was running for the highest office in the land, she could not understand how it was he only looked to be ten years older than her. Had he not been in his mid-40's when she "left"?

She was watching a speech he was delivering in Ohio when she heard the locks on the door click and open. Rather than turn around to greet him though, she continued to watch the t.v. and wait for his entrance.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It stayed silent in the apartment for a few moments as he locked the door and pulled off his coat.

"You hungry?" he the asked from the kitchen as he unpacked the groceries.

"Kind of," she responded. She went to the kitchen to help him unpack. "What did you get?"

"Whatever I could. Have you looked outside?"

"Yeah. One hell of a storm."

"It came out of nowhere. Everyone is stocking up to stay indoors. There was hardly anything left when I got there. Frozen pizza sound good to you?"

"Anything sounds good right now. I've been living off of Garf's tofu for the past few days. Not exactly the greatest welcome back to the world of the living."

Dick laughed at her comment, though she could tell he was a bit uncomfortable at the mention of her coma.

Raven sat on the counter as she watched him zip around the kitchen, moving from the cabinets to the freezer to the oven to the sink, all while looking at the task to follow rather than the one at hand; preheating the oven, unwrapping the pizza, baking it, simultaneously putting the rest of the groceries away.

"Raven?"

"Huh?"

"Did you hear me?"

"No. Sorry. My mind was somewhere else."

"I asked you what you wanted to talk about."

She was a bit shocked. "Direct, aren't you?"

"You know I am. It's how I was raised." It might have been a cold reply were it not for the smile he said it with. "Well?"

"I'm not entirely sure," she began. "You see, I put myself in what one could call a trance. Waking from it and seeing… her, it was too overwhelming. A lot of my mind was obliterated, specifically my memory. I've managed to piece together almost everything, but there are still whole chunks of my past that are still missing. Every time I ask Vic or Garf, they're always really evasive or vague about it. I was hoping you could fill in the blanks."

He was silent for a few moments. His back was turned to her, leaning his weight on the opposite counter top. "So," he finally said, breaking out of his own trance, "What _do_ you know?"

"I know that twenty years ago Starfire disappeared. Three years later, I disappeared. You guys stayed together for a year before you split up; Beast Boy joined the circus, Cyborg went solo here in Jump City, you went back to Gotham. Four years later the quakes hit. That's when you guys came together again. I came back too, but kept disappearing. Sometime between when you had gone to Gotham and I left here, you became Nightwing. You three sort of stayed together until the city was back on its feet, then nine years ago you all completely separated. Beast Boy joined the circus again, Cyborg stayed in the tower, and you disappeared into No Man's Land.

"Sounds like you've got most everything. There's not much to add."

"Cut it out, Dick," she practically whispered. "There's something none of you are telling me. I can feel it, not just in your minds but in the walls. It's hanging over the tower like a cloud an no one wants to admit it's there."

There was a pause.

"Will you tell me where you were?" he asked calmly.

"What?"

"If I tell you what happened before you left, will you tell me where you were and what you were doing there?"

"Yes. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"You're positive you want to know?"

She nodded.

"Okay. It started three years to the day that Starfire vanished…"

**(RRRR)**

Oh snap! Sorry. Really. The next chapter is written, I just need to finishediting it. Watch out y'all! It's gonna' be a doozie!


	6. Chapter 6

It's rated M for a reason . Beware.

Chapter 6

Robin woke up feeling very tired. It was more than simple morning drowsiness. It was an exhaustion that wrapped him in a lead blanket, weighing his whole body down. It was foreboding, as if his body was trying to tell him something. It was very unusual. Never the less, he pulled himself out of bed, bathed and dressed as usual.

As he left his room to go to breakfast, he felt something tugging at his mind, pecking away at it. He knew that this (including his difficulty in waking up) meant that he was forgetting something important. It rarely happened that he forgot things of importance. What could it be? Was it personal? Did it have to do with the team? Did he forget Bruce's birthday? Hat he notremembered to refuel the R-cycle? Trying to remember was beginning to give him a headache, but he knew if he didn't remember whatever was bugging him, he'd be sorry later. He searched out Raven to calm his nerves.

A while back, a horrible trick of Slade had nearly killed him. One year prior to the incident, Slade sent small microbes into Robin's blood stream. After a year they triggered some severe relapses and delusions in Robin's mind and allowed Slade to corrupt his mind into believing he was actually being attacked when he wasn't. It was Raven who sought out his mind and brought him back to the real world. In order to see his delusions, Raven melded her mind to his for several moments. It was a strange and frightening procedure for the both of them; Robin didn't know what to expect when the great force of her spirit entered his mind, and Raven (who had trained herself to live without emotion) was forced to relive the painful memories of the Boy Wonder's past; he wished she hadn't had to see those things, but there was nothing he could do to change that.

In the middle of the process, Slade's manifestation attacked, knocking Raven back into her own body and out of Robin's mind. This caught Raven off guard and didn't give her enough time to fully withdraw form him. A part of her stayed in his mind and a part of his went with her. From that day forth, the two had a special connection; one of understanding and acceptance.

Because of the connection, they were also able to reach out to each other through a mental link, lightly nudging the other's consciousness, giving a slight indication of where the other was and what the other was feeling. This morning he could feel she was in the living room. As usual, he didn't sense her emotions.

**(RRRR)**

That morning Raven woke with a sense of dread. She almost didn't acknowledge it, as was her usual protocol, but beneath it she could sense premonition. It then hit her: today was the day. Oh, what a miserable day it would be. There was no way to hide from it, either. In that way, today was somewhat as her birthday had been. She had tried to hide form it, but locking herself in her room hadn't stopped it from coming. That had been a terrible day. It was the day Slade returned and had forced her to accept her fate. She was forced to accept that the end of the world would come through her, which, she supposed, was worse than today, except three years ago the Teen Titans' world _had_ ended; it ended with the loss of Starfire.

Three years ago today, Starfire went through a dimension bending portal in pursuit of the criminal known as Warp. She never returned. To say the Titans were devastated did not even begin to explain their pain. The original intent of the Teen Titans was to create a team of young people committed to fighting evil and injustice. What was created though, was a family whose members were committed to each other as much as they were to their job. Each of them began to fall apart over the course of the months following her disappearance, each in their own and mostly private way. Believing they had to be strong for each other, they internalized all of their suffering, all except Raven, who truly had no control of her occasional emotional outbursts and subsequent property damage.

Raven and Starfire had a bond that was unique and quite subtle, and they liked it that way. It rose out of being the only girls on the team. In general, there were fewer female super heroes in the world, and even fewer who were active heroes at so youngan age. They really only had each other for feminine company. Their relationship was especially strong due to the fact that female companionship their own age had been denied to each of them throughout their childhoods. For Raven, intimacy came slowly. It took her a long time to warm up to Starfire. This was because she had led a life that left her isolated and cut off from all people, let alone children her own age. Even her mother hardly ever saw her due to severe postpartum depression as a result of the rape that had resulted in Raven's birth. Starfire took to this sisterly bond more easily. Since she had grown up as royalty, she had been very sheltered, left only to play with her sister who, to date, had tried to kill Starfire on two separate occasions. The alien girl was quick to align herself with true sororital companionship.

After finding a true friend, four at that, to have one of them taken away destroyed Raven. The first outburst came about a week and a half after Starfire's disappearance. It appeared to Beast Boy and Cyborg that her powers went into overload without warning, but she felt it coming almost a minute before it consumed her. She had called to Robin through their mental link for help, though she knew there was nothing that he'd be able to do. The last thing that she saw before passing out was him bursting through the door. Here "emotional flip-out," as Beast Boy tactlessly called it, left the tower without power for two days and it left her in a coma for a week.

Robin had cared for her during that week, never leaving her side, watching over her like a hawk. Part of this had to do with the guilt he felt in loosing Starfire. He told her that hewould not let another one of his friends to be taken form him. With their psychic link, he had helped Cyborg to monitor her condition more accurately. He was also able to speak to Raven in this way. It was the first time Raven had ever allowed anyone inside her mind willingly, but she trusted he wouldn't harm her and she would have done anything to escape the awesome loneliness that enveloped her with the coma.

Raven was the first to wake that morning, as usual. She headed downstairs for some breakfast. Next came Cyborg. He entered the large room, which only seemed to get larger by from the feeling of emptiness he brought with him. They acknowledged each other in a silent and sympathetic gaze. The two shared a meal with little talk until Beast Boy, who lightened the mood a bit, joined them.

"Where's Robin?" he asked. "I'm usually the last slouch to get out of bed."

"You're right B," responded Cyborg. "He's normally awake way before now, especially with today being…" Hetrailed off, notknowing what to say.

Raven finished his thought. "Three years."

"Yeah," he said, upset that she had actually said it out loud.

It was then that Robin came through the doors entering the living space. The three other teenagers grew completely still.

"Good morning guys," said Robin, as cheerful as ever. The others looked at him confusedly.

"Uh, good morning to you, too," greeted Cyborg, giving him an odd look.

Raven found his behavior to be shocking, but if this was how he was choosing to deal with his grief, so be it. While she didn't think this was the healthiest way to act, she'd seen him act far worse in the past. Robin poured himself some cereal and began to eat it. The others tried to do the same, doing their best to appear as though nothing was wrong and feeling very uncomfortable doing so. Robin, of course, picked up on this.

"Is there something going on with you guys?"

Raven's eyes popped open. He really didn't remember what today was. She didn't know if that was a good or bad thing, but she felt he someone should tell him.

"Uhh," she began, but was cut off by Cyborg.

"Naw man. Nothing's wrong, just a case ofmorning moodiness."

Raven stared at Cyborg with more shock than she had regarded Robin. She didn't think keeping him in the dark was what they should be doing and she was upset with Cyborg for thinking it was okay to let him keep thinking nothing was wrong. She gave Cyborg a look that conveyed as much. He appeared to show no regret or remorse in the blatant lie he'd told to one of his Robin. Suddenly she wasn't so hungry and she threw her spoon down into her oatmeal. This made everyone stop eating and stare at her. She and Cyborg held a staring match for a few moments. Just then, the alert signal went off. Never before had Raven been so happy that a crime had been committed.

"Titans, GO!" shouted their leader. They sped to the heart of Jump City where their sensors indicated the crime taking place.

They returned tired and (for the most part) hungry, having not finished their breakfast. It was nearly four in the afternoon when they got back to the tower. Having defeated another gang of criminals, they also felt satisfied and a little less depressed over the anniversary of the day. Raven was still not speaking to Cyborg for what he had done, or rather what he had not done.

After such days of crime fighting, each of the Titans would retreat to his or her respective room to recuperate, refocus and reflect. The three R's as Robin called it. Beast Boy thought it was dumb and that he only did it because he had a bias toward the letter R. Robin of course always denied this with a smug grin.

"I don't know about you guys," drawled Beast Boy as the four headed to their rooms, "But I'm napping until dinner. Who's turn is it to cook?"

"Mine," responded Raven.

"Oh," began Robin, "I guess that means we'll be ordering ow…"

He didn't finish his joke. The other three Titans stopped and looked back at him when they realized he's stopped walking.

"Robin…?" Cyborg began, but stopped when he saw where Robin's eyes were fixated.

Starfire's door.

_Oh no, _thought Raven with dread.

"What day is it," he said. His tone wasn't questioning. He already knew the answer.

"Man, we were going to tell you…" Robin stormed away to his room before Cyborg could finish his sentence. From the end of the hall, the sound of his door mechanically slamming shut could be heard. It was followed by the sound of several mechanized locks sliding into place. His room, by most standards, was now a vault.

_A vault of suffering, _thought Raven, gravely.

She lashed out at Cyborg.

"Why didn't you tell him before!"

"You know why I didn't tell him; because I didn't want this to happen."

"It was inevitable. Now, because of you, it's going to be ten times worse!"

"This is in no way my fault! You could have told him, too."

"I was giving you a chance to make it right!"

The light bulb above them shattered.

"Hey!" said Beast Boy. "We all need to cool it. It's over, okay? We'll deal with Robin - **together -**later. Right now, we all need to chill and get some rest."

Without another word, the three went to their rooms.

In his room, Cyborg went over code incriptions with the hope of someday being able to enter Robin's room. Beast Boy had thought for a moment that he could turn into a small insect and crawl into their leader's room through the air duct, but quickly fell into a deep sleep, a string of drool dripping from his mouth. Locks however, were not a problem for Raven.

Raven teleported into Robin's room. Cyborg and Beast Boy didn't know, but she often did this when he was distraught. They would have long conversations where he would spill out his worries to her and she would offer her best council. Other times they just sat in silence. Other times still she would sit quietly while he took out his rage on any number of punching bags and training dummies. Today she found his room empty and his window open. He was on the roof.

Out the window she flew, rising up then soundlessly landed on the roof. He was perched on the opposite end staring at Jump City, squatting, his shoulders hunched. On his face there was a scowl she'd seen on the face of the Batman; Robin often tried to replicate it. He had never executed it as well as he did now. She walked up behind him and stayed still and quiet, waiting for him to respond. Behind them, the sun was setting. The sky, covered in wispy clouds, looked like it was on fire. The city looked like a smoldering coal in the flaming dusk. They were silent for a very long time before the Boy Wonder spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Though he stayed still, his voice was teaming with anger that was barely contained. When she didn't respond his hands balled into fists. His anger became less contained. "Why didn't you tell me?" Raven took a deep breath to answer but found the words wouldn't come. He turned his glare on her, actually making her flinch. At this, he unclenched his fists, let go of a bit of his rage. "I might have expected this from Beast Boy and Cyborg," he said more quietly, "But from _you_?"

"I wanted to tell you."

"Then why didn't you?"

She sighed. "I knew it was wrong when Cyborg stopped me from telling you, but then I thought he might be right."

Robin gazed at her with a shocked expression.

"I realized that today didn't have to be so horrible for you. This morning you seemed... _happy_. I just wanted for you to stay that way. Things haven't appeared to get any better for you as the years pass and..."

"We lost her, Raven! Do you expect me to just forget about her?"

"Of course not. None of us can ever forget about her. She was our friend. But she would want us to live our lives, not spend them mourning... on the roof..."

He looked as if he might say something profound or punch her in the face; he was equally capable of both. Instead, he simply sighed and turned around to face the city again He hung his head.

"You're right," he said, defeat in his voice.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "What?"

"You're right. She wouldn't want me acting like this, sulking up here. My behavior is messing up the team. It's time for me to let go. It's just hard;it's not like we ever had a body tobury." He turned back to the city.

"I know." She floated up to stand beside him, also gazing at the city. Their capes hid it, but when a gust of wind swept up the blue and black material one could see that they were holding hands, the underside of their elbows touching, their fingers intertwined.

"Tell me what to do, Raven," he whispered.

"You're our leader; you should be telling _us_ what to do."

"Seriously, I need your help."

"You know what to do. The answer's inside you."

"So are you," he joked, "Most of the time."

She smirked. "I can get in your mind -sometimes-, not your heart, and that's where the answer to your question is."

He squeezed her hand a little tighter. "You're always in my heart."

Had this exchange occurred between any other boy and girl, these words might have brought about a moment of awkwardness or romance, but not with these two. There was an ease with which the words were said and an ease with which they were received. He had meant nothing more than what he said and she had taken it as such.

"Sit," she said after a moment. "Meditate with me."

They sat across from each other on the ledge and chanted. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." Together, their minds were transported to a far away space of nothing where they floated in an abyss of calm and clarity. When they returned, the sky had grown dark and stars covered the sky. They strayed staring at the stars with only the sound of the surf. About a half an hour passed before the other Titans joined them. Together the four of them stared at the stars, concentrating extra long on one that was slightly green in its color. This they knew to be Starfire's home planet. Gazing at it helped them to feel a little more connected to her. The surf remained the only sound. After some time, Cyborg spoke.

"I'm sorry, Robin."

Robin didn't turn his head from the sky.

"Me too," added Beast Boy.

"We all are," said Raven.

"It's okay," Robin said, a sense of finality. "I'm okay."

With that, they all went inside.

They ordered in dinner and decided to do something to get their minds off of the sad occasion. They voted on watching a movie on t.v. When the movie ended they were all still a little uneasy about going to their rooms and spending the rest of the night alone with their thoughts on Starfire, so they split into teams and played pool. On one team were Raven and Cyborg while Robin and Beast Boy made up the other.

"Just to let you know, we're kicking your butts," said Beast Boy.

"In you're dreams, Grass Stain," Cyborg fired back.

"Grass Stain! Back me up here, Robin."

In a voice like velvet and with a grin just as smooth he said, "It's okay B. We don't need to say a word. We're going to win and that's all that matters."

"C'mon Cyborg," said Raven, "Let's wipe those grins off their faces."

By midnight they had finished their game and Raven and Cyborg had won.

"This is bogus!" shouted Beast Boy.

"Rematch," demanded Robin.

"Sorry guys," said Cyborg, "But I need to recharge for tomorrow."

"I'm pretty tired too," said Beast Boy.

Raven made her way over to the kitchen. "I'm making some tea before I go to sleep. Anyone want some?"

Cyborg and Beast Boy disappeared out the door with a, "No thanks," and a, "None for me, Raven."

"How about you, Raven?" she heard Robin ask. "You up for a rematch?"

She placed the kettle on the stove then turned around and faced him. "Are you that eager to get beaten again?"

"I'll take that as a yes." He began to set up the balls on the felt surface of the pool table.

Raven walked over to the table, her arms crossed over her chest, one eyebrow raised. "You know, you have some serious issues with competition."

"It's part of my charm." He handed her a cue. "Care to break?"

Without a word, she leaned over and struck the cue ball and began the game.

"You are so cheating," complained Robin about seven minutes into the game, when it became clear that she was playing much better than he was.

"You are unbelievable," she said, standing back for him to take his shot.

It was a scratch.

"You made that happen."

"Why would I waste my powers on a pool game against you when I don't even need them to beat you?" She smirked at the end, satisfied with his annoyance.

"You're doing something..."

"Yeah," she replied. She bent over to take her shot. She struck the cue ball hard, rocketing a ball into the corner pocket where Robin's crotch was. He jumped back. "Whipping your butt."

It was then that she noticed how sexual the entire game of pool was; long sticks, balls, lots of bending over. She sensed that this thought had also just struck his mind.

"Excuse me?" he asked, amused by her change in character. "I thought I was the competitive one."

"It must be rubbing off."

He brushed against her as he took his place to strike the ball. "I"m rubbing off on you, ay?"

She almost laughed at his antics. "Just take your shot."

They played for a littlewhile, talking about whatever, until the tea kettle Raven had put on the stove began to whistle. Quickly she flew over to the kettle, not wanting the noise to wake Cyborg and Beast Boy in case they had already settled down for the night.

"You want any?" she asked as she poured herself a mug. When she looked at him, she saw that he had been staring at her with a sad look on his face. "Robin?"

**(RRRR)**

Robin used the moment Raven flew to attend to her tea to observe the pool table. She clearly had better skill than he did, so he knew he'd have to compensate with strategy. He was debating on whether it would serve him better to make a clear shot he had or obstruct her next one, when out of the corner of his eye he noticed something. What the something was, he couldn't put his finger on at first. Then it hit him; Raven. There was something not right about her. It agitated him that he couldn't figure out what it was. As with all mysteries he tried to solve, he started from the most superficial level; her physical appearance. He sorted throughevery image he could find of her in his head. He he went through his memory, year by year, comparing the person in front of him to the image in his mind.

Hair color was a match. Hair length was a match. Complexion was a match. Eye color was a match. Costume was a match. Costume color was a match. Height was a match. Silhouette was... WRONG! This did not match up with past data. Over the past three years in the comparison of images there had been aslight and gradual increase in the size of her bust and hips. It made her midsection look narrower and filled out her costume a bit differently than it had in the past. It then hit him. Three years. It had been three years since he lost quite a bit of perspective and stopped paying such close attention to the people closest to him. He hadn't noticed when she grew up. They had all grown up. Where had he been? _Mourning_, as Raven had put it. While he was doing that, what else had slipped pass him? Had his mental absence contributed to the strange rhythm the team had taken on? With the loss of Starfire, the team had also lost their innocence, but there were other things Robin hadn't been wanting to think about that had been taken from the Teen Titans: time. He gazed intensely at Raven. Soon she wouldn't even be a "teen". What sort of team would the _Titans _be? He felt like Peter Pan finally realizing his Wendy Bird was a woman with a husband and kids.

_With these tights, I probably look like him, too_, he thought.

"Robin?" he heard her say.

Right then he didn't really trust anything he knew. He knew that he was Robin and she was Raven, but aside from that, he couldn't be sure.

"How old are you?" he asked.

She looked at him quizzically.

"I'm eighteen. You know that."

_Did I?_ he thought. "And how old am I?" His voice sounded tired.

"You're nineteen." She came toward him looking worried.

"Cyborg's twenty. You know that?"

"Yes, I did." She now stood in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe we should be the Titans Who Used To Be Teens." He laughed, feeling slightly dazed.

"I think you should go to bed."

"But we haven't finished our game," he protested.

In an instant, a black haze of energy covered the pool table, sending all the balls into different pockets. "Yes we have," she said in a severe tone and walking toward the elevator.

"I knew you were using your powers to win." He grinned and followed her.

"Get in," she said in a very unamused tone and pointing to the elevator.

Lazily, he strolled in, leaning against the back door of the lift. He let the doors shut before speaking. "I know I'm a jerk sometimes. I'm sorry. It must be hard for you, being the only girl around here. That's hard enough, but you also have to put up with the three of us."

She replied in her dead pan humor. "Sometimes I want to slit my wrists, but I manage okay."

"Do you?" he asked, sencerly.

"Slit my wrists?"

"Manage."

"Yeah." She let some silence sit in the air for a moment. "You didn't answer me before. What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Raven, I don't need to burden you with my problems," he said, stepping off the lift and headed toward his room.

"So you admit that you have problems?"

He looked at her and smiled, keying in the code to his room, but not answering her. He entered and she followed him in. "What?" he asked, genuinely curious as to why she was in his room.

"I want to be sure you go to bed."

"You're so sure I wasn't going to?"

He in fact wasn't, but wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that. He was actually planning on reviewing some files on some of the various miscreants of Jump City.

Because of their link, she usually had an idea of what he was thinking. Though he could do the same to her, it bothered him to no end that she was able to literally get into his mind. He had been very aware when she did it to save him from Slade, but he wondered from time to time if she could slip into his mind without him ever knowing. Grabbing his pajama bottoms, he started to take off his uniform. Without being told, she turned around to allow him to change. "I'm done," he said when he was dressed. In fact it was only half true, since he hadn't put his shirt on.

She turned around and lifted one eyebrow. "I think you confused your shirt with your mask," she quipped wryly.

"What?" he asked, dramatically flexing his muscles and striking a pose. "You don't approve?"

She completely ignored his antics. "You can't always be Robin."

He tensed at this. _She thinks I should quit?_ "What do you mean by that?"

"Have you forgotten about a certain guy named Dick Grayson?"

_Oh, that's what she meant,_ he thought as he hung his uniform in the closet.

"He exists," she continued. "I'm sure he likes to come out for a breath of fresh air every now and then."

"I tend to forget about him," he said. "I do my best to give him as little stage time as possible."

"So that's what you've been doing all this time? Acting?" she asked, walking over to the window. He had left it open since earlier in the afternoon when he went up to the roof. She shut it and drew the blinds.

"'All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players.'"

"And what about the man in front of me?" she asked, slightly sitting on the window sill, her arms crossed. "Be straight with me, for once this evening."

He hesitated. "Dick is too weak to be a Teen Titan. He can't cut it in this tower. He can't cut it as your leader."

"I think there's room for the two of you."

"Do you know how jealous I am of you guys sometimes?" He could tell this had shocked her. "I wish I didn't have to deal with this whole alter ego bullshit." His tone grew increasingly hostile. "When you wake up in the morning, you're you. And when you go to bed, you're you. When you're in public, you're the same you that you are in private. I put on a mask everyday to become the one everybody sees."

"Maybe I don't want to be me when I wake up in the morning," she retorted rather harshly. That had surprised him. He stepped a bit closer to her. "I'd give anything to have what you have; a way out if I wanted. A little vacation or escape from what it is I see when I look into the mirror..." He saw the black glow starting to rise around her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he calmed her and the glow faded away.

"It's not a way out. It's a sick, mocking, false hope. Someone as powerful as you doesn't want this. Dick isn't special. Dick isn't strong. Dick can't lead you."

"You know what I think of him?"

"What?"

"I'll only tell Dick Grayson."

He sighed. Reaching behind his head, he untied the piece of black and held it in his hand. He always felt a little naked without his mask on. He had actually never shown any of the Titans his whole face until two years ago, and it had been by accident, but still rarely let them see him without it. He figured it was a silly fear, so he took this opportunity to try and stomp it.

She gazed into his eyes, a concentrating expression on her face.

"I think you're brave and smart... and you try your hardest to do what's right... and you're loved by your friends and..." Her face grew sad.

"... There's something you're afraid of."

Slowly her hands rose to touch his temples. He suddenly realized what she was going to do. "Hey," he said forcefully, grabbing her wrists.

"Sorry," she said, also realizing that she had not asked permission to enter his mind. "I didn't mean to..."

"I hate that you can do that!" he said, exasperated. He threw away her wrists. "That you can get in here." He pointed both his index fingers to his head. "I can't do that with you. Sometimes I want to be able to get in there." With his final comment, he palmed the top of her head.

She smirked, attempting to lighten the mood. "I'm sure you would."

Just then, he was struck by the urge to kiss her. It was strange to him because he, (like most teenage boys), usually had to plan ahead and orchestrate things quite a bit if there was ever a girl he wanted to kiss. Maybe it was the way the single dim desk lamp cast a strange glow on her cheek, or the silky feel of her hair beneath his palm, but mostly the idea came to him from out of nowhere. Sliding his hand to the back of her head, he brought her head toward his and pressed his lips against her own. It was slow but firm. He was a bit surprised when she didn't flinch and even more surprised when nothing in his room exploded. It was strange to him how the entire sensation felt so normal in spite of the fact that he knew it to be quite absurd. There was also the fact (though he couldn't tell at first since it had been so slight) that she had begun to respond.

He pulled away, but kept his hand on the back of her head. He looked at her curiously to gage her reaction. A question he couldn't read was written on her face. He sensed that she was clam. He hadn't upset her. Reflecting these things and how the kiss had felt, a quiet "Hm," in observation came from him like a short hum. He then pulled her head back for a second kiss. This time she definitely responded. Her lips parted, allowing his tung into her mouth, and her hands spread themselves flat against his stomach. This cued him to be bolder.

He allowed his hands to wander over the expanse of her back and hips, pulling her tightly to his body. Their kiss deepened and out of nowhere he heard himself moan. Half stumbling, half tumbling, they brought themselves to his bed.

**(RRRR)**

Robin didn't know it, but far below them, in one of the sub-basements of the Titan's tower, screws to their main pipelines were loosening. Wires were coming undone. Locks and security codes were overriding. While it appeared that Raven's powers were unaffected by his contact, this was not the case at all. Slowly, her magic worked its way from the bottom most floor of the tower, rising higher and higher.

He had caught her off guard. Never in a million years could she have foreseen what was taking place at that moment. More surprising than his kiss was the fact that she found herself responding, giving in, deepening the kiss. As the moments lagged on, she realized she wanted him very much. She wanted him more than she had wanted Malchior. She wanted him more than she didn't want the demon blood running through her veins. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything before.

Raven knew that were any of the destructive effects of their actions made visible to him, he would stop immediately ending the glorious pleasure; ending the single time she had ever felt whole. Though she knew it was causing severe damage to the tower, she strained herself to suppress it, making the damage small and subtle until she couldn't suppress it any longer. She felt selfish for not caring. In fact, she didn't care if the whole building toppled down on top of them, so long as she could stay in this passionate embrace. She was willing to end all things for his lips and his touch, and that fact scared her.

So, when he kissed her, some screws loosened. When she bit his chin, furniture was flipped over. When he unzipped her leotard, several months of decoded encryptions were re scrambled. When their bare chests pressed together, the tires of the T-car exploded. When he entered her, there was a rock avelanch along the cliffs of the Titan's island. When his heated breath moaned her name, small spider web cracks made their way through the glass windows covering the many facades of the tower.

She writhed beneath him, on top of him, beside him, all the while wishing there were some way for him to be deeper inside of her. By his sweat covered body and his restless physicality, she guessed he wanted the same thing. When he came to an angle and position that seemed to satisfy him, he became very forceful and focused in his thrusting. He pounded into a spot Raven didn't know existed inside of her.

Lifting her head a bit, she could see his slick member sliding in and out of her. She was rendered dumb by the sight of it. The sound of their flesh smacking together was enough to separate her from the world around her. All she could concentrate on was the growing orgasmic pressure building up and the sound and feeling being created by his thick flesh. These things which she could barely imagine being contained within a single universe were all taking place between her legs. She was sure she would explode. She tried to focus on something real and plausible, like his lips against her own. But soon, the feeling became too much. He tilted her chin up to look him in the eye. His eyes, filled with raw, animal, masculine desire, were her undoing. They were a man's eyes, and looking back at them were the eyes of a woman. She saw that between them there had occurred a complete and ritualistic loss of innocence. She was not a virgin, but this was the first time she'd made love. It was then she knew that their act was the final nail in the Teen Titans' coffin.

As the dam inside of her burst, she vaguely registered that the tower's main pipe line had also burst. The lamp in his room then lost it's light when the bulb inside of it exploded. This was the only indication of the berserk effects of their actions that he could have seen, but she was fairly certain he didn't notice. The basements would be flooded by midmorning, but all she could think or feel, much as he, was his own release, which came moments later.

He stayed inside of her, hugging and holding her tightly, like a human blanket. She held onto him with equal determination. His sweat mixed with her own and dried, actually sticking them together. His breathing was deep and relaxed. She saw a ghost of a smile graced his features as she squeezed the muscles above his shoulder blades. She sensed the stiffness he feltthere from the work his hips and back had done. She was surprised that the start of a smile was also finding its way to her own face.

She shuddered, her body humming, when he finally pulled out of her and peeled their sticky bodies apart. He rolled to his side and wrapped one of his legs and both of his arms around her, pulling her tight against his body. Their foreheads rested against each other as their heaving lungs began to calm. Acting on what felt most natural, Raven cupped his face and kissed him. Gently he kissed back, letting her take the lead, and she did, ending it soon and going back to resting her forehead against his.

Once she had calmed down enough, she realized that he was shivering. _Is he okay?_ She wondered, concerned. "Dick," she whispered, their heads still touching, "Are you cold?"

"No," he responded, quietly but rather defensively.

"You're shivering."

"No I'm not." He said this with the conviction of a four-year-old, though he wasn't joking.

She almost laughed. "Yes you are."

"I'm just... _happy_." The last thing he said sounded more defensive than the first. This made her want to kiss the life out of him, or at least try to, and she did, rolling him onto his back without any protest from him. After their kisses ended, however, he rolled her back to laying on her side, their foreheads touching, tightening his grip when their noses sometimes touched.

His attitude and stubbornness could be quite endearing in the right situation. It was a moment that made her heart swell and break at the same time. She knew that she wanted him and would want him again and again, and that she might even possess what could be called 'love' for him. She knew she wanted many more moments and mornings like this, and that (as said before) she was willing to end all things for it, even the Teen Titans. She knew that her desires were wrong and destructive, and she hated herself for wanting him this much. She knew that the only way for them to be together (in a way that would cause no physical harm to anyone or anything) was for her to be able to express emotions in spite of the fact that her powers were controlled by them. She also knew that to do this was to do something that had never before been successfully done by any half demon. It would involve several long, grueling trials and it would require her leaving him for an unknown period of time.

By now he had fallen asleep and his grip on her had loosened substantially. This, she decided, would be the best time to leave. It killed her that she would not be able totell him anything. But she knew if she did, he would follow her, and that would ruin any chance of her success.

Her mind was made up. With a deep breath she said a silent good-bye to him, wishing that she was capable of crying. Silently, she teleported herself and her clothes away. She didn't know it would be four years until she saw him again.

**(RRRR)**

A feeling of unease swept over him when he woke. It wasn't very apparent at first because the residual effects of the night before were still with him. His skin was still tingling and his back was still stiff. It was wonderful. Raven was not with him, but he hadn't expected her to stay, even though a secret a part of him had hoped she would. This is not what unsettled him, though. He would have ignored it, had ignoring his unease cost him greatly the day before.

To ease his growing anxiety, he stretched out his mind to search for Raven's presence, much as he'd done the morning before.

_That's odd_, he thought, not finding her.

Still feeling unsettled, he went downstairs to greet the other Titans and eat his breakfast. He found a frantic Beast Boy and a somber Cyborg. The entire room in front of him was in disarray. "What happened here?" he asked. "And where's Raven?"

Beast Boy and Cyborg glanced at each other before one of them spoke.

"We've been attacked," said Cyborg. "Raven is gone."

Robin didn't stay any longer. Face marked with disbelief, he turned around and ran up toward her room, not wanting to wait for the elevator.He thought he heard Cyborg saying, _We think she was taken..._ but could hear no more as the door to her room came into view.

He pounded on the door.

"Raven!" he screamed. Not waiting for a a response, he keyed in his overriding security code, opening her door.

"Raven!" he called again as he entered the dark room, this time only slightly less loud. It was instantly clear that the room hadn't been occupied for at least a day.

Robin's head spun and he fell to his knees, feeling like he had just been punched in the gut. He could taste the citrus twinge of vomit at the back of his throat but managed to suppress it. _Again_, he thought. _I let it happen again. _Before he allowed the overpowering sorrow to take hold, he channeled his energy into a rage he didn't know that he could possess. The only other time he had felt something close to it was when he discovered that what he wanted after his parents' death was vengeance.

_No_, he said to himself, _This is vengeance._

Rather than vomit, an inhuman scream shot out of his lungs. Spider web cracks along the windows that could take no more pressure shattered at the foce of his wail, sending acascade of glass falling around the tower.

**(RRRR)**

Hmm. Well. Yes. Now we know what happened. Sort of. I'll be updating in a little bit when I have at least three or so more chapters ready.


	7. Author's Note

Author's Note:

Ha ha! Yes! Two more chapters! This story is not abandoned! Slow to be written; yes. But not forgotten. Just wait for it... Waaaaait...!

T.R.C.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

By the time Dick had finished his telling of the events, Raven had forgotten how to breathe. _We slept together _had been his exact and **only** words, but it was enough to trigger the unlocking of that night's events. The memories of that night came rushing back to her in a flood. It had been the first time she experience such emotions, and the sensory overload momentarily blinded her.

He hadn't given her details, she knew, because he wanted to save some of what he considered his "dignity". That night she had indeed been with him at his most vulnerable moment. She knew that he wasn't one to admit to such things so easily. Besides, there were still a good many things they needed to discuss and sort out. Not rehashing old events, but simply telling the simple facts would help them to get through the process faster.

"The guys and I kept the Titans together for about another year before splitting," he continued, taking the pizza from the oven, "But we weren't really the Teen Titans any more."

"You were the Titans who used to be Teens," she said.

She saw him just barely flinch; she knew that he realized that she was quoting him. He quickly cut himself off from that line of conversation.

"Where were you, Raven?" She looked at him, thinking of a way to properly tell him. "You promised to tell."

Suddenly, Raven realized that Dick was holding a giant plate of oven-fresh, frozen pizza. She had not eaten pizza in twenty years. The cheese and sauce were glistening, spilling off of the rectangular pre-cut slices. The urge to devour the entire plate was overwhelming to her. Without even thinking, she grabbed a piece and stuffed the whole thing in her mouth. As she savored the simultaneously crunchy-soft goodness of the crust, she realized that he was staring at her oddly. "_Sorry,_" she attempted to say with her full mouth. Dick simply raised an eyebrow at her and sat himself down on the couch. Her gluttonous action had upset him, she could tell. She thus did her best to swallow the pizza as quickly as possible. Such impulses were the hard part of returning to the real word; she was having difficulty acknowledging her emotions without indulging her urgent desires. At certain points there was hardly a way to discern between the two things. She countered her action with a second impulse.

"I was in Azarath," she blurted out, without segue.

"What?"

"I was in Azarath, my birth place."

"Yes, I get that. But why? Why so suddenly? You told no one!" He was livid. "Do you know what we went through when you left? Do you have any idea what that did to us?At first, we were confused. The tower was destroyed; we thought you'd been taken. We were _so_ scared. I couldn't sense you, Raven. Do understand that? For years I lived with your presence in my mind and then it just disappeared. That empty space when you left... Raven, I thought you were dead! I didn't tell the others, but I truly thought you were dead. It was like reliving when Starfire left, only worse, like a piece of me had been torn out...

"When it was clear you'd left on your own, we didn't know what to think. We thought that we'd driven you away." His posture changed a bit. "You left right after we... I thought you felt like I... like we... like it meant nothing or that you didn't..."

"No!" she said, franticly leaping over the couch and covering his mouth with both of her hands. "You can't say things like that, ever. It would kill me. Please, Dick. It's just not true."

Slowly, she took her hand away from his mouth. His jaw was set and his lips were locked in two straight angry lines. "Why did you go?"

"I don't know if I can start with that."

"Why didn't you tell us where you were going? Why didn't you tell _me_ where you were going?"

"First, because I thought you'd follow me." He rolled his eyes. "Dick, you would have! And don't pretend like you wouldn't have. You went to Hell for me in the past. Why wouldn't you have gone to another dimension?"

"What's your second reason?" He sounded unconvinced.

"Second, I didn't want to explain _why_ I was going."

"But that's exactly what you have to do now."

She was a little shocked by the tiniest of cruel smirks on his face.

"Yes," she finally responded, not quite sure how to continue. She turned her head away from him but he gently took it and turned it back to face him.

"So?"

She took a deep breath. "Do you remember what the Tower was like the next day?"

"Yes."

"How long did it take to repair the damages?"

"A long time. Some things were never really fixed."

It again became difficult for her to face him, so she didn't. She stood and paced back and forth as she continued to speak. "When we... my emotions couldn't be contained, therefore my powers couldn't be controlled. All that destruction: I did that. I did that because of something that was supposed to be — " Her gaze returned to his as she corrected herself, "—_Was_ wonderful." She looked to him for some sort of registration of what she was saying, but his face remained a stoic mask. She turned away from him again and continued. "I wanted to be with you, Dick, but I didn't know if I could show as much restraint in the future as I had that night. Maybe it was foolish to even think of a future between us, but don't you see? I left because it was the only way that I could ever be with you, or anyone without having to worry about what kind of bad implications that would have if I didn't have control over my powers. I was young and stupid and in love. I'm sorry for what I did to all of you."

"You _were_ in love?"

She understood what he was asking. Did she still love him? She knew the answer to this, but was curious as to his feelings, so she pried.

"I don't know. Would it be worth it if I still was?"

He placed a hand on her cheek. "I think so."

_That _look. He was giving her _that_ look. It meant that any moment his fingers would slip into her hair and he would lean in to kiss her.

"Stop it," she said calmly as she took a step back.

"Raven..." He reached out and was about to step up to her when she stopped him.

"Don't," she said, in a more forceful tone than before.

"Don't what?"

"Don't make it so hard."

He finally became frustrated again. "Why are you being so evasive with me? You said you left to be with me and now that you're here you're pushing me away. Raven, you have no idea how much I would love to reciprocate everything you just talked about. If you want to be with me then be with me!"

Silence hung in the air like a fresh carcass.

"I kinda' just put all of myself out there. The least you could do is respond."

Raven walked over to the window and leaned on the window sill, looking out at the growing snow storm.

"I'll never be her, Dick," she finally said.

"Wha?" he asked her, completely seriously.

"Don't you remember," she asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's one of the things I never forgot. It might even be what first gave me the idea of locking myself away."

She could see he was still a bit confused by what she was saying.

"Do you remember the days after I came back?" she asked.

Dick's eyes widened. It was something he had been trying to push to the back of his mind and thought he had completely forgotten it. That is, until Raven had returned a few days ago and more truly, that very moment she asked...


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

At first he had thought it was just another tremor. The west coast got them often enough. But the ground continued to shift and shake, getting more and more violent. Even though it was day time, Nightwing swung into action. Since renewing a lot of his old habits in Gotham and taking the new name of Nightwing, he had been operating mostly at night. But given the situation, he thought it appropriate to begin earlier.

The difficultly with earthquakes is that it's near impossible for the average person to physicality function the way they normally do. Nightwing's capability was far above that of the average human being, but he was still human; much of his aid to the city was between the full magnitude of the quake and later during the aftershocks. At such times, much of his work involved rescuing people trapped in debris and preventing further injury and destruction by releasing points of stress in buildings.

"Help!" he could hear a small voice calling. His,head, quickly followed by his body, snapped in its direction of the voice.

Below him, trapped between a wall and a book case was a young boy. It looked as if the remains of a living room had sunken beneath street level into a pit. It had probably been the basement of the building. It was remarkable that the boy was even alive. The moment he landed, Nightwing heaved the book case away from the child. He picked the boy up and gave him a reassuring smile.

"There's nothing to worry about, kid," he offered in a friendly way. The boy's crying stopped and with a sniffle he was able to smile back.

Nightwing was pleased with that. Just getting him to smile, to forget for one moment that his home had just crumbled, that he had no idea where his parents were or if they were even alive. Just that smile gave them both some hope. One of the things that distinguished Nightwing from his mentor and adoptive father were his people skills, something that Bruce had never fully grasped. Dick was proud of that. It was the one thing Bruce would ever admit Dick was better at. But right now, Dick was no where to be found. There was only Nightwing.

"Let's get you out of here," he said to the feebly smiling boy.

He launched his grappling hook into the air, catching it to a sturdy anchor on the street. Just as he was about to sail out of the pit-like basement, the ground began to gently shake and he heard another distant but distinct sound. It was a rumbling. It could only mean one thing: aftershocks.

The remains of the building around them began to crumble. There were no longer and crevices to hide in. As if things couldn't get any worse, he looked up and saw a huge chuck of a building falling toward him. Without even thinking, Nightwing threw himself to the ground, huddling the boy underneath his own body. The debris would break him, but the boy beneath him might still have a chance. In fact, Nightwing was sure he was going to die, since he had heard that before the moment of death one's life would flash before his eyes, and that was what was happening to him. Well, not exactly his whole life. Strangely enough it was just one single moment in his memory: the roof top of the Titans' Tower, the night Raven had left. He was with her on the edge of the roof. She had been holding his hand and the inside of their elbows were touching. It was amazing to him that this memory was so vivid. He was even able to feel her presence, as if she were there, something he had not been able to do since she left. It was with this memory and feeling that he squeezed shut his eyes and waited for the end.

But it didn't come.

_Maybe it was so quick I didn't even feel it,_ he thought. _Maybe this is what it's like to be dead._

Once the ground had stilled, he slowly opened one eye to take a peak to see what death looked like.

The boy was still beneath him and appeared to be fine. Nightwing didn't feel any pain. But he did feel a familiar tingle in the air around him. Surrounding the two of them was a black, staticy dome. Through the top of the dome he could see the giant chunks of building that had fallen on top of them. The dome around them turned into a sphere and began to lift them to street level, pushing the debris aside as they passed through the air. The black orb came to a rest on the street, diminishing, leaving Nightwing and the boy unscathed. Paramedics rushed toward them, quickly taking the boy from the hero's arms to assess his injury.

"Are you okay?" one of the paramedics asked Nightwing.

"I'm fine," he gruffly responded, practically pushing the rescue worker away. Glancing up, he looked for any sign of the black orb's source. He had only known one person who could create such a sphere, but she was gone, wasn't she?

_It couldn't be_, he thought to himself.

The shadowy form of a bird appeared in the sky and a figure clad in white emerged from within it. She descended until she was at a height that was nearly five feet from the ground.

"Raven!" he shouted, though even he couldn't discern if it was in joy, rage or confusion.

She enveloped them both in another black sphere. Here eyes glowed an unearthly white.

"There are others who need help," were the only words she spoke.

Before he could even register her words, she had taken them to another part of the city, a part more severely damaged. She flew off in another direction, too soon for him to respond. He saw her white form soaring over a toppled building when the scream of a woman forced him to turn his head in the opposite direction. He sped off in toward the scream.

Indeed, even after the woman in trouble had been attended to, there was still much for him to do. Now that people's attention was focused on rescuing, the looting had begun. There weren't just things like food and jewelery to be worried about. Nightwing concerned himself more with the banks and chemical plants scattered through out the city, the chemical plants mostly.

As he combed through the city ran into more than just Raven; _they_ had entered into the thick of things as well. He saw Cyborg sifting through some heavy rubble for survivors; Beast Boy flying others to refugee camps. In certain instances that day they worked together in a manner that resembled what they used to do, but it felt awkward, cold and disjointed.

Towards the end of the day, as things were beginning to get some what orderly, more aftershocks hit. They were unlike anything previously recorded in history. These aftershocks were nearly the same magnitude as the quake itself. It killed fewer people than the initial quake did, there being fewer tall things to topple over, but destroyed any form of order that had been created by rescue and relief workers. The aftershocks continued for four days. At the end there was barely any shelter, food or drinkable water for half of the survivors. The streets were madness; a lawless world of despair. Nightwing thought he had seen the last of this sort of human carnage after the Cataclysm in Gotham. He hadn't thought something so awful could happen twice in his life time.

It was night now, and most people had settled. He stayed up to guard against those who hadn't settled. He stretched his mind to find Raven. It was something he used to do all the time for reassurance. He hadn't done it in so many years, but he was stressed enough to do it without even realizing. She appeared behind him moments later. She stayed there, hovering several feet above the ground, behind him, off of his right shoulder. He didn't say anything to her when she appeared and she didn't say anything to him either, which was good, since he wasn't sure if he was glad or angry that she actually came. For the time being, her pretense had relaxed him, but that didn't take away the years of wrong she'd done him. Nightwing wanted very much for the night they spent together to have just been a nice evening between two people who cared a good deal for each other, but he had felt so much more than that. He had never given so much of himself to anyone, even on the most basic levels of intimacy. In her he had found a mutual and complete understanding between himself and another. He had loved her completely and thought she had done the same, but once he realized she had left the Teen Titans of her own accord, he wasn't sure.

He could hear her cape whipping wildly in a sudden wind that swept through the alley. It was a nice relief from the summer's humidity. He could also hear her quiet breathing. Though it was barely detectable, he could tell it was coming a bit quicker than would be normal for her, so similar to the way she sounded that night, her body resting against his own...

_Stop that,_ he told himself. _What is up with her breathing?_ _What does she have to be nervous about?_, he wondered, hearing his own sarcasm and hating himself a little for it. But then, he could sense a bit of her guilt pushing at a corner of his mind. Or was it pulling at his heart...?

**(RRRR)**

She didn't think twice about going to him when she felt him call. Once there, however, she thought that she may have made a mistake in coming. As soon as her eyes came to rest on his ridged back, an uneasy rumbling started in her stomach. Part of it she was sure was desire, but most of it was her overflowing guilt.

That was another thing; these emotions she had been opening herself to were causing some problems. Having had suppressed them her whole life, they were all new to her. Some of them were wonderful and others we quite painful. It was a pain she had only minutely understood in the past. It wasn't a physical hurt that she could pin point to one part of her body, but it tore at her whole self from just beneath her skin to her core. This is what she was feeling now. GUILT she had learned it was called.

Then there were other emotions she had that effected her in an almost identical way, though quite inversely, she enjoyed them. She could remember feeling them the night she'd been with him and they were being triggered now as she gazed at Nightwing's back. He was taller than before; he'd grown a good head taller than her by now. Cut lines of muscle ran over his whole body. His shoulders, more broad than she remembered. She also took in his powerful, sinewy legs that led up to his perfectly tight rear. LUST she knew this to be called.

She had tried not to think about him throughout the day as she went about helping the city's inhabitants. Initially, seeing him face to face had been more difficult than she'd anticipated. She was surprised she was even able to get out the few words she had before she rushed away. It seemed she would always be doomed to such a fast-paced in life. Now though, she might have been given the chance that the dire state of the city couldn't afford her before.

What was she to say to him? It had been three years since she had seen him. Since she had _been_ with him. How was she to begin anew after that? What were the words one could use? Did human speech even have the capacity to express the emotions running through her at that moment?

She was still just at the preliminary stages in overcoming her fatal flaw of disastrous emotions. She was not yet able to separate her powers from those emotions, but she was getting better at being able to experience them while suppressing her powerful explosions. She had yet to test her her abilities in the realm of physical contact. Gestures, she was learning, were sometimes worth more than words. Maybe now would be a good time to test her abilities. Perhaps a comforting hand on his shoulder? She reached out her hand, tentatively.

Her hand had barely touched him when an explosion went off several blocks uptown. This was not her doing though. Someone was up to no good.

"Trouble," she uttered quickly, quietly, pulling her hand away.

They took off in the direction of the blast, Nightwing by foot and Raven by air. They reached the site of the explosion in about a minute. It was one of the major pharmaceutical labs in town. A good deal of the medicine in there was needed by the victims of the quakes. The people trying to steal it all could have been deciding one of two things. The more generous choice was to hoard it all and charge the citizens of Jump City an illegal, inflated price for it. The other choice was to take what could be sold as narcotics and sell it elsewhere around the country. Either way, Raven knew they needed to put a stop to it.

Though Raven tried to keep her mind on the task at hand, she couldn't stop thinking about that split second of contact she'd had with his shoulder. She had sensed him tense all over almost simultaneously with her touch. She knew that had she touched him but a moment longer he would have stepped away. Not knowing if she would have been able to face such fierce rejection, she was ashamed to admit that she was somewhat glad an explosion had gone off.

Touching him had felt so wrong; some of his feelings of having been betrayed were transferred into her through that short touch and it pained her to know what she had done to him. Still, there was a part of her that felt wonderfully exhilarated to come into any physical contact with him.

The building was tilted at at sixty degree angle, leaning against another building, which was in no better shape. There were no people within sight anywhere. Dust from the blast was still settling, though, and fresh tracks in the debris told a story as to where the deviants had gone.

"They were prepping it to enter," she heard him mutter. She wasn't sure if he was talking to her or to himself. "They wanted for any collapses from structural damages to happen before they entered instead of the whole thing collapsing on their heads." He glanced back at her. She saw a mischievous glint in his eye. "That doesn't mean we can't collapse something else on them."

She was glad to have him back to normal for the time being. Robin, rather, Nightwing, was back to his old self; enjoying the thrill and satisfaction of a night patrol. She could sense the confidence radiating from him and it passed into her. He really did believe they were going to catch those drug transporters and so did she; he believed he was the most capable man in the world at that moment and so did she. At this point they were an unstoppable pair of hunters.

Inside, the lab was a mess of exposed wires and broken glass. Some lights to certain equipment were still blinking. It was unclear how the facility had maintained any power, but Raven didn't think about it much. They had a job to do.

A clang to their right sent them silently rushing toward the disturbance. They stopped just as they were about to round a corner. They took a brief moment to collect themselves, their backs pressed against the wall, their hearts racing with excitement. Nightwing took out a bird-a-rang and Raven stretched her mind to assess the situation that awaited them around the corner. She did sense some sort of presence beyond the wall, but couldn't get a lock on how many people it might be. _Oh well_, she thought. _Better to be safe than sorry_. She muted all her emotions and prepared for the fight that was to come. They made eye contact and with a nod of Nightwing's head, they jumped around the corner, Nightwing's bird-a-rang raised above his head, Raven poised several feet in the air to strike an energy blast, their eyes instantly going to where their opponents most vulnerable spots would be.

"Maaaa!" exclaimed the goat with fright and skipped away hurriedly.

They both lowered their arms, confusedly staring the the direction of the goat. Raven landed beside Nightwing. She tried to express her understanding of what they had just seen.

"Uhh...?" Eloquentshe thought to herself.

"They probably escaped from the labs," he said. When she gave him an even more confused look, he gave further explanation. "All this medication's got to be tested on something before it reaches people."

"Oh," was her simple response.

A second noise from down the hall caught their attention. Nightwing's body tensed and he raised his bird-a-rang again.

"_More goats?_" she asked sarcastically through their mental link.

He threw her a glare through the slits of his mask.

"_You tell me._"

She was a little shocked by the edge in his reply. A quip or simple, 'I don't think so' was something she was used to hearing come out of him, but this curt tone was something new.

"_No need to get snippy._" She flew slowly beside him as he silently inched down the hall.

"_I was not being snippy,_" he shot back with a growl.

"_Like how you're not being stubborn now?_" She smirked slightly, enjoying being able to rile him.

_"Not now, Raven_," he shot back to her, not referring to his own stubbornness, but to her badgering. Since when had he not enjoyed bickering? This Nightwing character was someone new to Raven and not someone she was sure she recognized. Was the Robin she knew anywhere inside this blue and black clad individual?

There was no more time to think as they rounded the corner to confront to armed raiders. Raven quickly created a shield of dark energy to protect them from the rain of bullets. She and Nightwing exchanged a glance and his plan of action was wordlessly transmitted. He threw a pellet to the ground, engulfing the room in a thick cloud of smoke, obscuring them from the robbers.

The plan was simply that Nightwing take out the men on the right and Raven the men on the left. It was a plan that had worked hundreds of times in the past and they had every confidence in it working now.

Before the smoke even cleared, Raven rendered three men unconscious. She sensed Nightwing had been doing equally well and saw the proof as the smoke settled. Three men lay sprawled on the ground around him. Two were silent while one was wailing and cradling his hands in his lap. Raven smirked. _All his fingers are probably broken_. Her smirk faded as more bullets slammed against the magical shield that protected her. Within a split second, she was back to work, bringing down the last two men nearest to her. As she was mostly flying, the fight was no different for her than any other would have been. With the building slanted though, Nightwing didn't have level ground to work on. From time to time she caught a glimpse of his maneuvers out of the corner of her eye. He found footing on the floor as much as on shelves and desks. He also used everything from trays to chairs as weapons. It was a wonder to watch his body flip and twist like that. _That's probably why they used to call him the Boy Wonder_, she thought as she took down the last of her men. Looking up, she saw that Nightwing had finished with his half, except she had counted twelve and only eleven were on the ground. Nightwing came to the same realization at the exact same moment.

His head turned to her. _Where to?_ his eyes asked.

Raven concentrated for a moment, feeling out the surrounding area.

"Outside," she said, just loud enough for him to hear. Before she had even finished the word, she saw him sprinting toward the crooked window. He broke through it, head first. In an instant, she transported herself outside, meeting Nightwing's on the ground as he landed. They arrived to find two military helicopters had landed while they were caught in the fray inside. Simultaneously, the two choppers took off in opposite directions. Without needing to speak, Raven took to flight and Nightwing launched a grappling hook, each springing toward the helicopter that was respectively closest.

The moment they saw her, the men on the helicopter began shooting at her. Without hesitation, she used her magic to create a shield in front of her body for protection. With her other hand she threw a blast of magic at the men shooting, sending two flying out the other side of the helicopter and slamming one into the side of the hull, knocking him unconscious. That just left the pilot. She surrounded him in her dark energy, paralyzing the man in fear.

"Land," she commanded. "Now!"

"He won't be landing," said a voice from behind her.

_What? There were only four..._

Raven turned to see who is was she had not seen before. Near the back of the hull stood a tall figure. She was unable to see his face; the shadows hid his features from view. She narrowed her eyes, angry she'd missed the extra man and worried as to how it was possible.

The figure stepped forward revealing a tall, slim man dressed in purple tunic, his hands behind his back. His white hair stood up on the sides of his head like horns. His bright violet eyes pierced her very soul. "LAND!" she yelled at the pilot once again.

"I think you're making a mistake, Raven," said the man. His eyes began to glow an unearthly golden color. "A very big mistake."

It was then that Raven realized she couldn't stop gazing into his eyes. Soon she wasn't able to maintain her hold on the pilot; the black cloud of magic around him faded thinner and thinner until he was completely free of her hold. Her arms fell to her sides and she began floating toward the man, consumed by his stare.

_Raven!_ she distantly heard. The voice was enough to knock her out of her trance

_Nightwing_.

She felt herself land on her feet. A bit dazed, she shook her head and the world came back to her. The man was still standing in front of her, now looking a bit more surly and disappointed than before.

"What did you...?" she began to ask, but he interrupted her.

"You should go to him."

Not understanding, she followed his eyes out the side of the helicopter. Several blocks away she saw the other helicopter. Hanging from one of the legs of the craft was Nightwing. Just then the chopper made a sharp spin and a swoop up causing Nightwing to loose his grip and fall.

"No!"

With that, she flew toward the fallen hero at a blinding speed.

He was falling faster and faster. There was a part of her that worried she wouldn't make it in time, but she buried this fear deep inside herself, blocking it out as she had done to her emotions for so many years.

The sound of helicopters and police sirens disappeared. All she could hear was the wind wisping past her ears. She pushed down more terror as the sight of his limp body falling through the air came closer and closer. Air resistance pushed his legs and arms skyward, as if reaching for her. Raven knew she could fly only slightly faster than she could fall. She pushed herself harder. His finger tips were an arm's length away. The ground was fast approaching.

Closer. Closer.

Raven collided with Nightwing, grasping him around his torso in a strong hug.

"Gotcha'," she whispered.

She slowed down and realized his body was too heavy to support with just her arms, so she wrapped her legs around his hips. Now that he was secured to her, she moved her arms to distribute his weight; keeping on of her arms around his middle, she moved her other hand to hold up his head.

"Nightwing?" she repeated over and over, trying to get a response out of him."Richard?" His breathing was shallow, barely detectable. Otherwise, he was completely non-responsive. Were she able to use magic, she would have tried healing him, but the stare of the shadowed man had taken it all for the time being.

"Cyborg," she called into her intercom.

"Here Raven," she heard his solid voice respond.

"I need you in the infirmary. Nightwing is hurt."

"I'm there."

For the first time in her life she was glad of her demonic heritage; it was her demon blood that allowed her to fly, not her magic. She thought of this as she hoisted Nightwing's limp body onto her back and flew to the Titans' tower.


	10. Chapter 9

I told you it wasn't abandoned.

Don't worry. I'll post again this week.

I borrowed a few lines from the short story "State of Grace" by Harold Brodkey. It's a good story, if you haven't read it.

Chapter 9

Nightwing woke to a monotenous beeping. His mouth felt dry and he had a splitting headache. Moving was difficult; he body hurt...everywhere. It was rare that he ever felt like this after a fight. But this had not been a normal fight. There had been earthquakes, then the aftershocks, then the man in the shadows. He had appeared out of nowhere; the other men had already disposed of when he caught a glimpse of those glowing eyes. After that, everything went dark.

Opening his eyes he saw that he was in the medical lab of Titans Tower. Raven was in the room, that he could feel. To his right, curled in a ball, he saw her asleep on a chair. He weighed heavily whether to wake her or not; he knew she'd been through a fight every bit as difficult as his own and was tired. After all, it must have been she who'd saved him. But his throat was _so_ dry. All he needed was some water.

He had meant to call her name, but instead mumbled "Nuhg," sounding more like a moan than a name. It was all that could come out of his mouth.

She stired and took a large, waking breath. His heart sank watching her come out of her peaceful sleep.

The look she gave him was one of concern, though she didn't say anything._Water_. He thought over and over in his head. _Water_. After a few moments she got up and went to the sink. She returned to his side with a cup of water. She placed one of her her hands behind his head and lifeted it up a bit before placing the cup to his lips.

"It's... it's okay," he spat out, coughing a little as he spoke. "I got it." Having her feed him like a child made him feel like one. Taking the cup from her hand, he began to drink, though he did allow her to continue holding his head up.

"How do you feel?" she aske once he finished the cup.

"Like I was run over by a truck." He managed to push himself into a sitting position. A new twinge of pain hit his lowwer back. "And then it backed up and ran over me again."

She smirked. "That good, huh?"

He would have scowled at her, had he the energy to do it. Instead he just stared pasively. "What about you?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she responded then turned away. "I'm fine."

_Why is she lying?_

"Raven," he pushed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not the one in a hospital bed."

This time he really did scowl. He didn't like to be made to feel weak. At least she'd left his clothes on. The look on her face as she turned to face him made him even more upset. It was a look his mother had often used on him when he was little and he had done something unimaginably stupid. It puzzled him how anyone so lovely could be so impossible. She somehow managed it so that he hated her far more than he loved her. 1It was only after he started living with Bruce that it turned the other way around.

_Where did that thought come from?_ Nightwing hardly ever thought about his mother except around the aniversary of her death. He specifically pushed all thoughts about her out of his head as to not distract himself from whatever problem was at hand. And there was always some problem at hand. Like now, why wouldn't this headache go away?

"Can you remember what happened?" she asked, sitting on top of the counter, next to the sink.

"Yeah. I was on the other helecopter, fighting with those guys who were taking the medicine. They were all down, then this other one just... appeared. His eyes were glowing. It was too dark for me to make out his face. I know that I wasn't shot, something else must have taken me out. Probably some sort of sonic weapon. Unles it was a psycic blast from that guy, and that's more your department of expertise... Raven?"

She seemed distant. Her gaze remained unfocused to a random spot on the wall. He knew she was thinking about something, but of course, had no clue what she was thinking about. He didn't even know what she was feeling. He wasn't an empath like her. This was all making him mad again. He didn't want to be there any more.

Summoning all his strength, he moved himself to the edge of the bed and swung his legs over the side.

"I don't think you should..." she began, but he cut her off with a death glare.

"I'm not staying here any longer."

Without so much as a wince, he took the medical tape off and pulled the I.V. out of his arm. He just rolled his sleeve down, not even bothering to wipe the blood away.

"You're on the strongest pain killers we have right now..."

"So what else is new?" he grumbled between his teeth.

"You're still weak. You need to rest."

"I can rest in my room," the replied curtly, stifling all his rage. _Why would she call me weak to my face?_

Taking a few steps, he stumbled, nearly falling. Raven caught him, slinging one of his arms over he shoulders and wraping an arm around his middle. It angered him, but he didn't protest.

Slowly, the pair made their way to the elevator down the hall. _This feels familiar_, he thought.

They took the elevator down two flights to the floor where all their bedrooms were situated. For some strange reason, it looked to Nightwing as though the hall had grown longer. Each step he took seemed to be weighed down. _Will we ever reach my room?_ he wondered. _This weight. What is this weight?_

Finally, they came to somehow be in front of the door. The walk had taken a lot out of him. He wished Raven had just appeared them in his room from the start but supposed it was better he got himself there. At least he could do that.

He sat down on the edge of his bed. It was strange; he hadn't slept here in more than a year. Somewhere in his throat he found his voice.

"What did those machines say was wrong with me?"

"Nothing," she stated simply, removing his gloves as she spoke.

"Then why do I feel this way? I've been beaten worse, but it's never lasted this long."

"Well, on top of being blasted with a shot of what I'm fairly certain was dark magic, you haven't slept in four days. You're body is just plain refusing to go on until you rest." She splipped his boots off next.

"That rediculous. I've gone at least a week in the past without-- uhh, what are you doing?" he asked as she began to remove his shirt.

"Putting you to bed." With that, she yanked the garment over his head folded it neatly. The gentleness with which she folded struck him as nothing else since her return had. _She's back?_ It finally hit him. _Here. With me. In this place._Somehow, her simple act melted away all his defenses. It seemed he was always stripped of his defenses around her. Alone with her her, he tended to be most vulnerable and permitted himself to be...weak. He realized just how tired he was, not just physically. Innitially he had be enraged by her return and her mere presence, but it had been an effort to keep up the guise. He was tired of forcing himself to be angry and unapologetic toward her. He was tired of acting like he no longer... acting like...

Her hand was on his chest, pushing him backward onto the bed. He resisted, clutching her hand.

"Richard, please lay down. You need sleep."

"Stay?"

He met her eyes and saw her panic. He felt her tense. She never tensed, or at least hadn't when they...

"You need to sleep," she said carefully.

"I will. I'd just..."

Was he too proud to say it?

"It'd be easier if you were here."

Her face softened and her muscles relaxed. Without a word, she took off her cape and laid it over the back of the chair at his desk.

"Are you really going to sleep?" she asked.

At that he smiled. "What? You afraid for you honor?"

Her eyes narrowed at his cheeky comment. "I'm just going to pretend that's the pain killers talking. Move over."

Pulling the covers back, he huddled himself against the wall. It felt frightening the way her body was next to his all of a sudden. It had been so long; even in the past four days, he'd been trying to keep his ditance from her. What was he supposed to do? He didn't even know where to put his hands. He couldn't remember it being this awkward the _first_ time she was in his bed.

He began to tense as her body lay down. She must have sensed it because she took his hand, wrapping his arm around her body and tucking his hand beneath her chin. It surprised him that she would take initiative like that. Why was she so comfortable when he was a nervous wreck? That hardly seemed fair. Hadn't she been completely on edge earlier that evening? _What calmed her so quickly?_

His thoughts were shortly interrupted by the exhausted Titan beside him.

"Sleep."

And he did. Just like that, her words made him realize how dumb he was being and reminded him how tired he was.

1_The State of Grace_, by Harold Brodkey


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was midmorning when she woke. Nightwing was still asleep, arms tightly wrapped around her. This gave her time to think; her thoughts wandered to memories. Raven realized that she could remember feeling safe in the past. She could also remember feeling satisfaction. But she could not remember ever being happy.

When the priests of Azar asked what she wanted she had said she wanted happiness with a man. _Have you ever felt happiness?_they had asked. No. _Then how can you be so sure you want it? How is it you're willing to risk so much to have it?_ That had stumpped her. She wanted him to be safe from her and with her and she with him, but she didn't want to have to be apart from him to do this. This she explained to the priests. _Ah,_ they had said. _It is happiness that you want_. When she asked how she'd be able to recognize it when she was feeling it they had described it as a satisfied security in any given moment. This puzzled her, since (as she was currently reflecting upon) she could remember feeling safe and satisfied.

Now she understood the subtle, indescribable difference. It actually felt like several emotions and feelings combind to make one; there was relief and a lightness within her. There was lathargy and tingling. There were his arms around her, his scent (also wrapped around her), his legs entangled with hers and his breath, a whisper of sweetness on the back of her neck.

Gently, she rolled over to face him. He made small sleep noises as she moved but otherwise didn't sitr. The happiness trippled as she gazed at his face. She bit her lip to keep from laughing of sheer joy. _Joy?_ This was all happening a bit to fast. She needed to ground herself in something immediate and concrete. Something like his face.

Lips. His lips were longer than one might expect. Right now they were set in a tight, straight line. One wouldn't think they'd be good for kissing, but at that moment Raven wanted nothing more than press her own lips to their softness, the only softness she'd yet discovered on his body. Well, there was the skin on his... _No! CONCRETE! IMMEDIATE!_

Brow. Usually in a scowl but relaxed for now. They were generally softer than one would expect for someone as serious as he was. It was acually his mask that gave that part of his face its sever shape, intimidating evildoers and the like.

Eyes. Closed as he sleept. But his lashes, longer than those of most men, rested on top of his cheeks, beautifully. She felt him brethe deeply and hold her tighter just as his lashes fluttered a moment before revealing the two shots of blue: sharp, altert and jewel-like, even in his first moments of conciousness of the day.

He smiled. All her giddiness faded away and she became mesmerized.

"I was worried you'd be gone."

"I'm here," was all she could think to say.

"Yes."

His eyes softened and he moved one of his hands to brush her hair out of her face. He pushed it back behind her ear, running his fingers there for a moment.

It was back, the Lust, so suddenly, just like the night before, in the alley. With a silent gasp, her lips parted as she realized it. There was mere inches between their bodies. Inches, sheets and clothes; barriers that shouldn't be there. With their mental link, the biggest barrier of all wasn't there, but that hadn't returned since the blast of dark energy she'd been hit with the day before. Still, she saw no reason why these physical barriers should be betwwen them. _Good God, to tear off his clothes would be..._

"Raven, where have you been?" he quietly asked.

She felt her chest tighten. Could she tell him? She wasn't sure what the rules were, and decided it best to keep the information to herself. He would want something from her, though. Anything less would be unkind. She couldn't lie to him, but would tell her own kind of truth.

"Waiting," she told him. Touching his cheek, she was deliberate in spreading her fingers and feeling his skin against her finger tips, officially confirming that this moment was real.

"For what?" He looked truly perplexed.

_Now is the time of courage they were talking about_, she rememberd.

"For this."

Drawing herself closer to him, she placed her parted lips against his own and was struck by the imense feeling of relief that came with the blissful softness of the kiss. Bolder still she grew, throwing her leg over his hip to roll him onto his back. Balancing her weight on his hips and on her two hands placed palm down on the bed at either side of his head, she deepened the kiss. When these fathoms had increased exponentially and had nowhere left to go, she lapped at his mouth in small, shorter kisses, as if he were a fountain for her three year thirst. All the while, his hands cradled her curves. From her hips to her upper arms, his hands were there, fluidly flowing over her flesh, though she could think of nothing usually more solid than his hands. Satisfaction. _Yes_. Security. _Yes_. And something else nawing at her insides.

Pulling away, breathless, she saw it in his face. Where was the satisfaction? The sense of security? There was just a longing and a sadness in his eyes. She felt it too (the nawing), and knew at once that things were going to turn out differently than she had planned.

**RRRRRRRRRRR**

Was this really happening? He wasn't sure that he could trust his senses. True, he could feel her lips against his, his hands on her body, her legs gainst his hips, her crotch rubbing against his... _Oh, Raven._

This was definitely happening. But was it _real_ real? Was this pitty? She had pittied him with her eyes the night before and it had hurt, but to pitty him with her body? This was going to hurt a whole lot more if indeed that is what it was. But if it wasn't pitty, what did he want it to be? Lust seemed too low for her and love... Love would make things very complicated. _Do I want her to love me? What good would that do her; to love a man like me? A man. Human._ And at the back of his mind he also wondered if he was doing all this wondering because he actually already loved her. _It wouldn't be much fair if she loved me and I didn't love her_. _Can she love...?_

She pulled away from him, stopping to stare down from her perch. She seemed confused by what she saw. It looked like she was trying to find an answer somewhere on his face. When she couldn't find it there, she trailed her eyes down his body, tracing his skin with her finger tips. He found himslef rubbing his hands along her thighs as she kissed his neck.

"Raven."

His eyes shut and he heaved a breath out of his lungs as her tounge slid over his nipple. Invountarily, his hips rocked up into her.

"Raven."

His kevlar pants were tight. Well, tighter than usual, and growing tighter by the minute. It seemed she must have sensed this thought, because her hands went to his waist band, lowering it slightly, then kissing the skin that was revealed. It took all his will power to yank her hands away.

"Raven! Why are you doing this?"

There was a curious glint in her eye at his question. "Why shouldn't I?" she asked in response.

Nightwing was speechless at the simple logic of her explination. _Never_ was he without an arsonal of witty remarks, and yet no words could leave his mouth. _Mmm, mouth. Raven's mouth..._

With this final thought, he abandoned all doubt and let himself enjoy the wanton creature perched upon him, he too, becoming one. _Mmm, mouth..._

_**RRRRRRRR**_

There were things she remembered from the last time they were together, about how he liked to be touched, the secret spots on his body that made him impulsively twitch. For example, she knew that running her thumbs down behind his ears, along his jaw and to his lips sent a thrilling quiver through him. She felt it reverberate through his shoulders, and in his stomach and legs. She hadn't really been noticing then, but she now realized how much she'd learned about him that one time. That far away morning that she had been dreaming about for the past three years, since the moment she left the Titans, was feeling closer than it ever had.

Aparently, there were also things he had remembered. He, too, managed to find the places that made her flinch and gasp with delight. His caloused hands flew to places only he knew the meaning of. She wanted to tell him this, that no one had ever touched her as perfectly and wonderfully as he had, that she loved him, but there was one of those emotions that was stopping her. She still couldn't recognize them all right away. Was it Fear? What was there to be afraid of?

She barely registered when his nimble fingers found the fastening to her costume, uncovering her back, then pulling the material by its edges toward him, off of her chest and finally tugging at her sleeves, until the outer layer of her top half was removed. It reminded her that he was still half clothed. _That needs to be fixed_, she thought.

Slowly, methodicly, she peeled the bottom half of his costume off, every now and then scratching her nails on his skin, brushing her knuckles along his thigh. His body quivered again. She saw that his hands had balled into fists and that he was sitting up on his elbows. She watched as he watched her undresses him and then undressed herself of her few remaining clothes.

As she reached to pull down his last piece of clothing, (a pair of navy boxer briefs), he said something she wasn't sure how to inerpret.

"Raven," he said, taking one of her hands into his own. "I'm not the person I used to be."

Her other hand grabbed onto the waist band and she looked him directly in the eye.

"I'm sure some of you is still there, burried under everything you try to hide it with."

"If it is there, it's pretty small."

"Pretty small?" She couldn't help smirking as she peeled his underwear off, brushing against his member as she went. "You're really self depricating, you know." She said this last part as she wrapped her hands around his length.

A small, quiet hum of apreciation came out his throat.

_**RRRRRRRR**_

In her arms, he was at home. _In_ her, he was in Heaven. Heaven and home. He had found them both in the same person, and when he looked in her eyes, he knew the feeling was mutual.

He sat up so that he'd be able to kiss her, and kiss her he did. For three years he'd burred it inside him and pretended it was gone. He'd hidden it from the world, even from himself, for fear of what it might do were it to be allowed to exist, even walled up in his memories. But it did exist, and she was releasing it: this passionate need to be needed... by her. Naturally a protector, he was needed by the city he defended, and it scared him to know that he needed her more than she could ever need him; he believed that she might have _wanted_ him, but would never _need_ him. It was the most dangerous thing he could think of feeling. In a line of work such as theirs, one needed to be poised, collected and centered. _Never fight when you're angry_. He'd been taught this. He'd been taught many things and been a perfect student, but nothing he had ever learned could help him comprehend the emotions he felt when he was with her. He had never felt so off-balance in his entire life. And that's saying a lot for someone who took his first on a tight-rope. It was like she was teaching him how to walk again. She was teaching him to remember home.

Home. That was what Hailey's Circus had once been. That was what Wayne Mannor was, sometimes, but he'd outgrown that place and left for Jump City.

But he would not think on those things until much later, when she had left again. Now here, now in her arms, against her body, he was home. He was safe and she held him there like an anchor. She _held _him. She cradled his head as he kissed her, embraced his body as he wrapped himself around her, wishing he could cover all of her, shield her, protect her, give all of his soul to her, just as any patriot would for his country, for his _home_.

And then she rolled her hips, and he was back in Heaven.

This was much slower than it had been last time. They had found each other and a rythem easily this time, meeting one another somewhere between their bodies and minds. Sublime and agonizing all at once; he let his body fall back to the bed and savored it while simaltaniously wishing to speed their motions. Thrusting up into her, he watched as she rode him, feeling something like a supernova building at his core, just at the sight of her. Her head thrown back, supporting her backwards bending, arched body with one arm, groping at his stomach with the other hand. He, too, groped at her waist, but also reached for the hand that reached for him.

Taking her hand, he held it still against his abdomen, thinking it might ease his spasaming there, but it didn't. Nothing would, except release. It was then he caught her fluttering eyes in a an unsteady gaze. They both struggled to keep their eyes open. He didn't want to blink and miss a moment of what was happening. He just wanted to stay here, inside of her, forever. By now, her pantting and small whines had turned to deep and full moans, the sound traveling to his ears, through his body, and down to the pit of his belly, right beneath where he held her hand.

Suddenly, he felt her tighten around him. Grabbing her wrist, he pulled her forward. Thrown off guard, she gave a little yelp, but didn't miss a beat, keeping with the rhythm of their bodies, sliding against him, holding him tight inside her. Her momentary shock made him smirk with satisfaction. It seemed to be infectious, because a wide, challenging grin found its way to her face as well. Though it was difficult to think straight with her pounding him from above, he could recognize a challenge, no matter what state he was in.

Fiercely, he fisted her hair in his hand and pulled her head closer, catching her lips in a sense-exploding kiss. It was obvious she was letting him take control for a moment, allowing him to pry her lips appart, to change their pace, to turn her head where he wanted. Nightwing had always been one to go a mile when given an inch, and this was no exception. As he kissed her, he reached his hand down, between their bodies, and rested a finger against her clit, rubbing it with every thrust. This affected her increadably; he felt her body shake and waver in the rythem of their motion. Steadying her hips with his other hand, he urged her to continue.

He felt her tighten even more (was it even possible?) and she tore herself away from his lips, seating herself more upright to increase their pace. Steadying her, he held her torso, one hand at the small of her back, the other at her side, fingers spread across the skin and muscle that covered her ribs. _Strength_. He felt stength there, which is perhaps why he became afraid when he saw her eyes fall shut. It was a fear that he might never again see her quite like this, ravaging him in the midmorning, coastal light of Jump City. Was she not strong enough to keep her eyes open? He needed her to be strong for him, to compensate for all his weakness. He _needed _her, (as he believed) more than she could possibly need him. _Could she?_

"Raven," he rasped. She didn't respond. Again, he said her name, a bit more harshly, squeezing her side slightly. She opened her eyes.

"Keep your eyes open." _Please need me..._

"Dick, I can't..." she panted.

"Keep them open... Focus on my eyes...Don't let your sight go anywhere..." _Please..._

"Dick..." she began protesting, but here eyes stayed glued to his.

"Keep them open...Stay with me..." _Need me..._

A cry hitched in her throat more severly than before as he felt her climax begin.

"Stay with me..." he repeated, pleading, letting himself begin to let go, drowning in half lidded, twin pools of violet.

He saw the violet pools go wide and felt her... _felt_ her. For the first time since the heocopter. Their mental link was back.

"Dick!" she cried, bupping his face. The world seemed to shatter as they came together. His eyes were open, but his vision was gone, as in that far away moment of rage, and was replaced by a hot whiteness; there were stars... stars... Star...

"... Stay with me..."

He no longer _felt_ her.


	12. Chapter 11

Yo yo yo! I updated! See! For real! An update. Hang in there, team.

**Chapter 11**

She pretended to fall asleep and waited for him to do the same. Her head was too crowded to sleep. Instead, she watched him as she'd done before, admiring the ease of his features in the early afternoon light. Things seemed so simple like this; quiet, warm, his body next to hers. Life was worth living and fighting for at times like these. But how was she to tell him that the time she spent away was to keep things like this when telling him could jeopardize it all? How was she to explain that the tasks that kept them apart would eventually allow them to be together? At the end of the day she would have to return to the trials. The trials were necessary to achieve her goals: be normal, to lead a normal life. With him. That is what she wanted. That was what he wanted, as well.

Wasn't it?

He had been inside of her before. Not just physically, but inside her mind as well. Unlike other times when they'd made a mental connection, this time he's initiated it. He'd managed to find his way to their mental link, not simply call to her. This was almost an impossible thing for someone without inherent mental abilities to do. It meant... She wasn't sure what it meant, but surely the priests of Azarath would know. She'd ask when she saw them.

For now, she reflected on all that had come to pass. She was half way though the trials required to gain ownership of her powers. As of now, they were still accessories and extensions of her father's evil; though she herself used her powers for good, they still were tainted by that which had conceived her. She needed to get back to Azarath as soon as possible to resume her labors. Apart from the trials, there were the strange new developments in Jump City to consider. Over the years, although "home" was a difficult concept for Raven to grasp, she had come to think of Jump City as a kind of home, or at least a place where her allegiances lay. It was odd; she had never felt any sort of sentimental attachment to the city (as she couldn't feel much attachment to most things). The many times she saved its citizens or stopped villians from destroying it, she had done so because it was what her friends believed was right; she had been fighting for them more than for the city. In doing what she saw a "right" it was also her way of rebelling against her heritage of evil. She had never felt any connection to the place, it was rather the acts she performed there that had tied her to it. Yet, now in this time of crisis, she felt a new connection and obligation to Jump City and the people who lived there. One in particular.

He was reaching out to her through their link. Turning her head, she saw he was awake, his crystalline eyes locking with hers.

"You're going," he said. It wasn't a question or a command, but a deduction. The Bat had trained him well.

"Yes." What more could she say? What words could she give him that would satisfy?

"Why?"

"The three of you can handle the city. Emergency services are back on their feet, so it shouldn't be..."

"Raven," he interrupted, "Why are you leaving."

She turned away, but in a flash he was sitting up, in her face, not allowing her to escape.

"Raven," he persisted, a hand on her cheek, the other brushing against her hip. "Talk to me."

Part of the pact was that no mortal human could know of her trials. If she told him, she would be breaking an oath and her training would end, as would her chances of spending a normal life with him or anyone, for that matter. There was so much uncertainty in his eyes. Uncertainty about her? About himself? He needed answers. She had to tell him the truth, or part of it, somehow. She placed her hand over the one at her hip, reassuring him.

"There are things I need to do..."

"You've had three years to do them," he retorted, frustration apparent in his voice. "What's so important that you need to leave m... us again?"

_Okay_, she told herself, _Time to do this._

"Dick, there are things I have to do in places you can't follow; it's impossible for you to do so. The thing is, I know you, and I know you have a way of accomplishing the impossible. I told you this before, but let me reiterate it: I'm not telling you where I'm going or what I'm doing for your own safety."

_And the world's_, she added in her mind.

"And what about your safety?" has asked. "How can you expect me to just do nothing while I have no clue as to where you are, why you're there, what you're doing..."

"Worry about your self, for once. You've saved me on countless occasions. Allow me to protect you, for once. As for sitting idly, you won't be. You'll have plenty to do.

"Really?" he asked, skeptically quirking an eyebrow.

"Yes. You'll be waiting for me."

"That sounds an awful lot like doing nothing."

"Not true! Waiting requires patience, discipline and faith. Faith is a very difficult thing to keep alive. It takes someone as strong willed and stubborn as you." She smirked as his eyes narrowed.

"And what makes you so sure I'll wait for you? Do you know how many inmates break-up with their significant others while incarcerated?"

That almost made her laugh. This discussion had finally gotten lighter.

"First of all," she said, poking him in the middle of the chest, "I'm not going to prison or anywhere against my will in any way. Second," she turned to fully face him, kneeling between his legs, "You won't simply be waiting, you'll be _longing_."

He smirked. "I'm pretty dumb. You'll have to explain."

"Well," she said, running her hands slowly over her body, his eyes intently following her hands, "Think about all the things you want to do to me."

"Yeah. Got it. Doing it." There was no other indication of his reaction except for a quick twitch in his leg.

"And think about how much more you'll want to do them after you haven't seen me for three months."

"Three months? Is that when you'll be back"

"Yup."

"Not three years?"

"Correct."

He locked her waist in a vice grip and pressed his forehead to hers. "You're sure?"

"Uh-huh."

Letting go of the breath he was holding he also let go of her waist and fell to his back with a sigh. She was a little surprised by how well he was taking it.

"That's it? You're not going to fight me about it?"

"Would it change your mind?"

"No, but you never let things be. You always have them your way or you fight until you do."

"Things change. Like I said, I'm not the man I used to be. I used to... care too much... about _everything_."

This made her smirk. He was right, but she thought it would be fun to test him.

"So, you're not caring about me leaving...?"

At that he sat up and turned her chin to face him.

"There's nothing I want more than for you to stay, but I believe you when you say that isn't possible. I know you're capable of taking care of yourself. Believe me, if I didn't, there'd be a much bigger fight coming from my side. There isn't much I can do for you; I know you'll be fine for three months."

_Wow_. _He has changed, _she thought. He looked a bit defeated, though. She thought he needed some cheering.

"I wouldn't say there's _nothing_ you can do for me." As she spoke, she slowly stroked his member. This made him smile.

"So, you just want me for my body, is that it?"

"Who wouldn't?"

"Good point."

_Ah, but ever arrogant and cock-sure, literally. _"Brat," she teased him.

"Witch," he quipped back, devouring her in kisses.

**RRRRRRRRRRRR**

An hour later than she intended, Raven left Robin's bed. He lay on his back, still naked, his hands behind his head in a relaxed manner. He watched her as she dressed, a sedated smile on his face. There had been silence for longer than she was comfortable with, which surprised her since she usually liked silence.

"Well," she said as she finished zipping up her costume, "That only undid all the recovery you may have made."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it sped the healing process," he drawled with a lecherous grin.

"Don't be so sure. You'll probably be feeling the residual effects of that black magic for the next few weeks."

"You forget I'm stronger than most guys."

"Yes, but your still human," she responded wither her hand on her him. Briefly, she saw something flicker on his face and drift through his thoughts but it disappeared before she could tell what it was. He had moved on from whatever it was.

"So, by the time I'm better you'll be back. Good. Then you won't need to go easy on me. Don't think I didn't notice you were holding back this morning."

He actually made her blush.

_Has he no shame?_

She headed for the door so he couldn't see the reddening of her cheeks.

"What? No good bye kiss?"

"What was the past hour?"

"Jeez! If that's what you call a kiss then having sex with you might actually kill me."

Shaking her head in resignation to his quick wit, she opened the door. She didn't even bother refastening her cape, instead holding it folded over her arm. "Good bye, Nightwing."

"Raven..."

The dip in his tone made her stop and turn around. He was sitting up now, back ridged and eyes stern.

"Stay safe."

She nodded for she couldn't form words. As quickly as she could, she left his room, shutting the door firmly behind her, knowing that if she hadn't left then, she wouldn't have left at all.

Raven hadn't taken more than two steps into the hall before she bumped square into Cyborg.

"Oh, sorry Cyborg," she apologized before continuing past him toward her room to collect some possessions she would need for the next leg of her trials.

After she'd taken a few more steps down the hall, she was stopped dead by Cyborg's words.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

At first she wasn't sure he'd said what she thought he had.

"What did you say?" she asked, turning back to face him, half challenging his intentions half actually unsure of what he'd said.

"I said, 'I hope you know what you're doing'."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, trying to keep calm, though she clenched her cape in a fist.

"Whatever's going on between the two of you, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

"And what exactly do you think is going on between us?"

Cyborg sighed in frustration. "Nothing fair." At her blank, questioning stare, he continued. "Can't you see what he's doing? He's just using you to get over his bull-shit Lolita obsession with Starfire.

"How can you say that?"

"You know him as well as I do, Rae. He can never forgive himself for what happened to her. Why do you think he lost it after you left. Or did you not know that either? It was like it was happening all over again. All his feelings for her came back to haunt him and were amplified by the fact that we'd lost you, too. He blames himself for it, just like he secretly blames himself for the death of his parents, just like that fucked up foster father of his."

"Shut up," he murmured, her mouth going dry and her vision clouding.

"He thinks that if he can replace one obsession with another he'll be free of her forever. Forever is a pretty long time, and sooner or later he's going to snap back into his brooding, narcissistic psychosis."

"Shut up," she said again with more force.

"I care about you, Rae. I don't want to see you get hurt. Just know that he can never completely love you because he hates _himself_ and never got a chance to love _her_."

"Shut up!" she yelled, the faint glow of a second set of eyes appearing on her forehead and a distinct black static covered her hands like boxing gloves. For a second, the building shook. At this point, Nightwing's door slid open with Nightwing rushing past the threshold in a pair of loose sleeping pants.

"More aftersho..?" but he didn't finish his sentence when he saw stance of the two people outside his door. "What's going on?"

Raven left her cape on the ground and flew away at breakneck speed to her room, passing straight through the door to enter. Summoning the few items she needed, she left to Azarath, without a second thought, pushing all her memories of the past five minutes out of her mind for the next three months.

**RRRRRRRRRRRR**

"What the fuck just happened?" Nightwing demanded of Cyborg.

"I don't know."

Cyborg began to walk away, but Nightwing ran in front of him, blocking his path.

"Vic, what did you say to her?"

"I don't really think that's any of your business."

"I'm making it my business," he replied in a menacing tone.

"You know," Cyborg began, almost laughing, "Three years ago, before you ran scampering back to Gotham, that might have worked. But you know what? You're not the leader of this team anymore. You're not the leader of anything. There is no team. So, get down off your high horse of 'making it your business' when you don't have the power to do so."

With that, he continued walking down the hall. Just then, Changling marched off of the elevator.

"Oh good. You're both here. Have either of you seen Raven?"

Cyborg continued walking as if he hadn't heard the green man.

"She's gone," proclaimed Nightwing with a scowl on his face before re-entering his room and shutting the door instantly.

Changling was stayed alone in the hall before he could process the moment that had passed.

"What the fuck just happened?" he demanded of the empty hall.

Oh snap! Wha the fuck just happened? Cyborg: where the hell did that come from? Nightwing: such a man-slut. Changeling: clueless as usual. Raven: the most sane character of this chapter.

This was shorter than I would have liked, but I had to give you guys something. I've been horrible!

Don't worry. This is all going somewhere.


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